The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第106部分

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tingling　of　delight。　But　to　her；　the　children　were　not　a　school
class　this　afternoon。　They　were　flowers；　birds；　little　bright
animals；　children；　anything。　They　only　were　not　Standard　Five。
She　felt　no　responsibility　for　them。　It　was　for　once　a　game；
this　teaching。　And　if　they　got　their　sums　wrong；　what　matter？
And　she　would　take　a　pleasant　bit　of　reading。　And　instead　of
history　with　dates；　she　would　tell　a　lovely　tale。　And　for
grammar；　they　could　have　a　bit　of　written　analysis　that　was　not
difficult；　because　they　had　done　it　before：

　　〃She　shall　be　sportive　as　a　fawn
　　　That　wild　with　glee　across　the　lawn
　　　Or　up　the　mountain　springs。〃

She　wrote　that　from　memory；　because　it　pleased　her。

So　the　golden　afternoon　passed　away　and　she　went　home　happy。
She　had　finished　her　day　of　school；　and　was　free　to　plunge　into
the　glowing　evening　of　Cossethay。　And　she　loved　walking　home。
But　it　had　not　been　school。　It　had　been　playing　at　school
beneath　red　hawthorn　blossom。

She　could　not　go　on　like　this。　The　quarterly　examination　was
ing；　and　her　class　was　not　ready。　It　irritated　her　that　she
must　drag　herself　away　from　her　happy　self；　and　exert　herself
with　all　her　strength　to　force；　to　pel　this　heavy　class　of
children　to　work　hard　at　arithmetic。　They　did　not　want　to　work；
she　did　not　want　to　pel　them。　And　yet；　some　second　conscience
gnawed　at　her；　telling　her　the　work　was　not　properly　done。　It
irritated　her　almost　to　madness；　and　she　let　loose　all　the
irritation　in　the　class。　Then　followed　a　day　of　battle　and　hate
and　violence；　when　she　went　home　raw；　feeling　the　golden　evening
taken　away　from　her；　herself　incarcerated　in　some　dark；　heavy
place；　and　chained　there　with　a　consciousness　of　having　done
badly　at　work。

What　good　was　it　that　it　was　summer；　that　right　till　evening；
when　the　corncrakes　called；　the　larks　would　mount　up　into　the
light；　to　sing　once　more　before　nightfall。　What　good　was　it　all；
when　she　was　out　of　tune；　when　she　must　only　remember　the　burden
and　shame　of　school　that　day。

And　still；　she　hated　school。　Still　she　cried；　she　did　not
believe　in　it。　Why　should　the　children　learn；　and　why　should　she
teach　them？　It　was　all　so　much　milling　the　wind。　What　folly　was
it　that　made　life　into　this；　the　fulfilling　of　some　stupid；
factitious　duty？　It　was　all　so　made　up；　so　unnatural。　The
school；　the　sums；　the　grammar；　the　quarterly　examinations；　the
registersit　was　all　a　barren　nothing！

Why　should　she　give　her　allegiance　to　this　world；　and　let　it
so　dominate　her；　that　her　own　world　of　warm　sun　and　growing；
sapfilled　life　was　turned　into　nothing？　She　was　not　going　to　do
it。　She　was　not　going　to　be　a　prisoner　in　the　dry；　tyrannical
manworld。　She　was　not　going　to　care　about　it。　What　did　it
matter　if　her　class　did　ever　so　badly　in　the　quarterly
examination。　Let　itwhat　did　it　matter？

Nevertheless；　when　the　time　came；　and　the　report　on　her　class
was　bad；　she　was　miserable；　and　the　joy　of　the　summer　was　taken
away　from　her；　she　was　shut　up　in　gloom。　She　could　not　really
escape　from　this　world　of　system　and　work；　out　into　her　fields
where　she　was　happy。　She　must　have　her　place　in　the　working
world；　be　a　recognized　member　with　full　rights　there。　It　was
more　important　to　her　than　fields　and　sun　and　poetry；　at　this
time。　But　she　was　only　the　more　its　enemy。

It　was　a　very　difficult　thing；　she　thought；　during　the　long
hours　of　intermission　in　the　summer　holidays；　to　be　herself；　her
happy　self　that　enjoyed　so　much　to　lie　in　the　sun；　to　play　and
swim　and　be　content；　and　also　to　be　a　schoolteacher　getting
results　out　of　a　class　of　children。　She　dreamed　fondly　of　the
time　when　she　need　not　be　a　teacher　any　more。　But　vaguely；　she
knew　that　responsibility　had　taken　place　in　her　for　ever；　and　as
yet　her　prime　business　was　to　work。

The　autumn　passed　away；　the　winter　was　at　hand。　Ursula　became
more　and　more　an　inhabitant　of　the　world　of　work；　and　of　what　is
called　life。　She　could　not　see　her　future；　but　a　little　way　off；
was　college；　and　to　the　thought　of　this　she　clung　fixedly。　She
would　go　to　college；　and　get　her　two　or　three　years'　training；
free　of　cost。　Already　she　had　applied　and　had　her　place
appointed　for　the　ing　year。

So　she　continued　to　study　for　her　degree。　She　would　take
French；　Latin；　English；　mathematics　and　botany。　She　went　to
classes　in　Ilkeston；　she　studied　at　evening。　For　there　was　this
world　to　conquer；　this　knowledge　to　acquire；　this　qualification
to　attain。　And　she　worked　with　intensity；　because　of　a　want
inside　her　that　drove　her　on。　Almost　everything　was　subordinated
now　to　this　one　desire　to　take　her　place　in　the　world。　What　kind
of　place　it　was　to　be　she　did　not　ask　herself。　The　blind　desire
drove　her　on。　She　must　take　her　place。

She　knew　she　would　never　be　much　of　a　success　as　an
elementary　school　teacher。　But　neither　had　she　failed。　She　hated
it；　but　she　had　managed　it。

Maggie　had　left　St。　Philip's　School；　and　had　found　a　more
congenial　post。　The　two　girls　remained　friends。　They　met　at
evening　classes；　they　studied　and　somehow　encouraged　a　firm　hope
each　in　the　other。　They　did　not　know　whither　they　were　making；
nor　what　they　ultimately　wanted。　But　they　knew　they　wanted　now
to　learn；　to　know　and　to　do。

They　talked　of　love　and　marriage；　and　the　position　of　woman
in　marriage。　Maggie　said　that　love　was　the　flower　of　life；　and
blossomed　unexpectedly　and　without　law；　and　must　be　plucked
where　it　was　found；　and　enjoyed　for　the　brief　hour　of　its
duration。

To　Ursula　this　was　unsatisfactory。　She　thought　she　still
loved　Anton　Skrebensky。　But　she　did　not　five　him　that　he　had
not　been　strong　enough　to　acknowledge　her。　He　had　denied　her。
How　then　could　she　love　him？　How　then　was　love　so　absolute？　She
did　not　believe　it。　She　believed　that　love　was　a　way；　a　means；
not　an　end　in　itself；　as　Maggie　seemed　to　think。　And　always　the
way　of　love　would　be　found。　But　whither　did　it　lead？

〃I　believe　there　are　many　men　in　the　world　one　might
lovethere　is　not　only　one　man；〃　said　Ursula。

She　was　thinking　of　Skrebensky。　Her　heart　was　hollow　with　the
knowledge　of　Winifred　Inger。

〃But　you　must　distinguish　between　love　and　passion；〃　said
Maggie；　adding；　with　a　touch　of　contempt：　〃Men　will　easily　have
a　passion　for　you；　but　they　won't　love　you。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Ursula；　vehemently；　the　look　of　suffering；　almost
of　fanaticism；　on　her　face。　〃Passion　is　only　part　of　love。　And
it　seems　so　much　because　it　can't　last。　That　is　why　passion　is
never　happy。〃

She　was　staunch　for　joy；　for　happiness；　and　permanency；　in
contrast　with　Maggie；　who　was　for　sadness；　and　the　inevitable
passingaway　of　things。　Ursula　suffered　bitterly　at　the　hands　of
life；　Maggie　was　always　single；　always　withheld；　so　she　went　in
a　heavy　brooding　sadness　that　was　almost　meat　to　her。　In
Ursula's　last　winter　at　St。　Philip's　the　friendship　of　the　two
girls　came　to　a　climax。　It　was　during　this　winter　that　Ursula
suffered　and　enjoyed　most　keenly　Maggie's　fundamental　sadness　of
enclosedness。　Maggie　enjoyed　and　suffered　Ursula's　struggles
against　the　confines　of　her　life。　And　then　the　two　girls　began
to　drift　apart；　as　Ursula　broke　from　that　form　of　life　wherein
Maggie　must　remain　enclosed。



CHAPTER　XIV

THE　WIDENING　CIRCLE

Maggie's　people；　the　Schofields；　lived　in　the　large
gardener's　cottage；　that　was　half　a　farm；　behind　Belcote　Hall。
The　hall　was　too　damp　to　live　in；　so　the　Schofields　were
caretakers；　gamekeepers；　farmers；　all　in　one。　The　father　was
gamekeeper　and　stockbreeder；　the　eldest　son　was
marketgardener；　using　the　big　hall　gardens；　the　second　son　was
farmer　and　gardener。　There　was　a　large　family；　as　at
Cossethay。

Ursula　loved　to　stay　at　Belcote；　to　be　treated　as　a　grand
lady　by　Maggie's　brothers。　They　were　goodlooking　men。　The
eldest　was　twentysix　years　old。　He　was　the　gardener；　a　man　not
very　tall；　but　strong　and　well　made；　with　brown；　sunny；　easy
eyes　and　a　face　handsomely　hewn；　brown；　with　a　long　fair
moustache　which　he　pulled　as　he　talked　to　Ursula。

The　girl　was　excited　because　these　men　attended　to　her　when
she　came　near。　She　could　make　their　eyes　light　up　and　quiver；
she　could　make　Anthony；　the　eldest；　twist　and　tw