The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第24部分

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was　shining；　her　eyes　were　full　of　light；　she　was　awful。　He
suffered　from　the　pulsion　to　her。　She　was　the　awful　unknown。
He　bent　down　to　her；　suffering；　unable　to　let　go；　unable　to　let
himself　go；　yet　drawn；　driven。　She　was　now　the　transfigured；　she
was　wonderful；　beyond　him。　He　wanted　to　go。　But　he　could　not　as
yet　kiss　her。　He　was　himself　apart。　Easiest　he　could　kiss　her
feet。　But　he　was　too　ashamed　for　the　actual　deed；　which　were
like　an　affront。　She　waited　for　him　to　meet　her；　not　to　bow
before　her　and　serve　her。　She　wanted　his　active　participation；
not　his　submission。　She　put　her　fingers　on　him。　And　it　was
torture　to　him；　that　he　must　give　himself　to　her　actively；
participate　in　her；　that　he　must　meet　and　embrace　and　know　her；
who　was　other　than　himself。　There　was　that　in　him　which　shrank
from　yielding　to　her；　resisted　the　relaxing　towards　her；　opposed
the　mingling　with　her；　even　while　he　most　desired　it。　He　was
afraid；　he　wanted　to　save　himself。

There　were　a　few　moments　of　stillness。　Then　gradually；　the
tension；　the　withholding　relaxed　in　him；　and　he　began　to　flow
towards　her。　She　was　beyond　him；　the　unattainable。　But　he　let　go
his　hold　on　himself；　he　relinquished　himself；　and　knew　the
subterranean　force　of　his　desire　to　e　to　her；　to　be　with　her；
to　mingle　with　her；　losing　himself　to　find　her；　to　find　himself
in　her。　He　began　to　approach　her；　to　draw　near。

His　blood　beat　up　in　waves　of　desire。　He　wanted　to　e　to
her；　to　meet　her。　She　was　there；　if　he　could　reach　her。　The
reality　of　her　who　was　just　beyond　him　absorbed　him。　Blind　and
destroyed；　he　pressed　forward；　nearer；　nearer；　to　receive　the
consummation　of　himself；　he　received　within　the　darkness　which
should　swallow　him　and　yield　him　up　to　himself。　If　he　could　e
really　within　the　blazing　kernel　of　darkness；　if　really　he　could
be　destroyed；　burnt　away　till　he　lit　with　her　in　one
consummation；　that　were　supreme；　supreme。

Their　ing　together　now；　after　two　years　of　married　life；
was　much　more　wonderful　to　them　than　it　had　been　before。　It　was
the　entry　into　another　circle　of　existence；　it　was　the　baptism
to　another　life；　it　was　the　plete　confirmation。　Their　feet
trod　strange　ground　of　knowledge；　their　footsteps　were　litup
with　discovery。　Wherever　they　walked；　it　was　well；　the　world
reechoed　round　them　in　discovery。　They　went　gladly　and
fetful。　Everything　was　lost；　and　everything　was　found。　The
new　world　was　discovered；　it　remained　only　to　be　explored。

They　had　passed　through　the　doorway　into　the　further　space；
where　movement　was　so　big；　that　it　contained　bonds　and
constraints　and　labours；　and　still　was　plete　liberty。　She　was
the　doorway　to　him；　he　to　her。　At　last　they　had　thrown　open　the
doors；　each　to　the　other；　and　had　stood　in　the　doorways　facing
each　other；　whilst　the　light　flooded　out　from　behind　on　to　each
of　their　faces；　it　was　the　transfiguration；　glorification；　the
admission。

And　always　the　light　of　the　transfiguration　burned　on　in
their　hearts。　He　went　his　way；　as　before；　she　went　her　way；　to
the　rest　of　the　world　there　seemed　no　change。　But　to　the　two　of
them；　there　was　the　perpetual　wonder　of　the　transfiguration。

He　did　not　know　her　any　better；　any　more　precisely；　now　that
he　knew　her　altogether。　Poland；　her　husband；　the　warhe
understood　no　more　of　this　in　her。　He　did　not　understand　her
foreign　nature；　half　German；　half　Polish；　nor　her　foreign
speech。　But　he　knew　her；　he　knew　her　meaning；　without
understanding。　What　she　said；　what　she　spoke；　this　was　a　blind
gesture　on　her　part。　In　herself　she　walked　strong　and　clear；　he
knew　her；　he　saluted　her；　was　with　her。　What　was　memory　after
all；　but　the　recording　of　a　number　of　possibilities　which　had
never　been　fulfilled？　What　was　Paul　Lensky　to　her；　but　an
unfulfilled　possibility　to　which　he；　Brangwen；　was　the　reality
and　the　fulfilment？　What　did　it　matter；　that　Anna　Lensky　was
born　of　Lydia　and　Paul？　God　was　her　father　and　her　mother。　He
had　passed　through　the　married　pair　without　fully　making　Himself
known　to　them。

Now　He　was　declared　to　Brangwen　and　to　Lydia　Brangwen；　as
they　stood　together。　When　at　last　they　had　joined　hands；　the
house　was　finished；　and　the　Lord　took　up　his　abode。　And　they
were　glad。

The　days　went　on　as　before；　Brangwen　went　out　to　his　work；
his　wife　nursed　her　child　and　attended　in　some　measure　to　the
farm。　They　did　not　think　of　each　otherwhy　should　they？　Only
when　she　touched　him；　he　knew　her　instantly；　that　she　was　with
him；　near　him；　that　she　was　the　gateway　and　the　way　out；　that
she　was　beyond；　and　that　he　was　travelling　in　her　through　the
beyond。　Whither？What　does　it　matter？　He　responded　always。
When　she　called；　he　answered；　when　he　asked；　her　response　came
at　once；　or　at　length。

Anna's　soul　was　put　at　peace　between　them。　She　looked　from
one　to　the　other；　and　she　saw　them　established　to　her　safety；
and　she　was　free。　She　played　between　the　pillar　of　fire　and　the
pillar　of　cloud　in　confidence；　having　the　assurance　on　her　right
hand　and　the　assurance　on　her　left。　She　was　no　longer　called
upon　to　uphold　with　her　childish　might　the　broken　end　of　the
arch。　Her　father　and　her　mother　now　met　to　the　span　of　the
heavens；　and　she；　the　child；　was　free　to　play　in　the　space
beneath；　between。



CHAPTER　IV

GIRLHOOD　OF　ANNE　BRANGWEN

When　Anna　was　nine　years　old；　Brangwen　sent　her　to　the　dames'
school　in　Cossethay。　There　she　went；　flipping　and　dancing　in　her
inconsequential　fashion；　doing　very　much　as　she　liked；
disconcerting　old　Miss　Coates　by　her　indifference　to
respectability　and　by　her　lack　of　reverence。　Anna　only　laughed
at　Miss　Coates；　liked　her；　and　patronized　her　in　superb；
childish　fashion。

The　girl　was　at　once　shy　and　wild。　She　had　a　curious　contempt
for　ordinary　people；　a　benevolent　superiority。　She　was　very　shy；
and　tortured　with　misery　when　people　did　not　like　her。　On　the
other　hand；　she　cared　very　little　for　anybody　save　her　mother；
whom　she　still　rather　resentfully　worshipped；　and　her　father；
whom　she　loved　and　patronized；　but　upon　whom　she　depended。　These
two；　her　mother　and　father；　held　her　still　in　fee。　But　she　was
free　of　other　people；　towards　whom；　on　the　whole；　she　took　the
benevolent　attitude。　She　deeply　hated　ugliness　or　intrusion　or
arrogance；　however。　As　a　child；　she　was　as　proud　and　shadowy　as
a　tiger；　and　as　aloof。　She　could　confer　favours；　but；　save　from
her　mother　and　father；　she　could　receive　none。　She　hated　people
who　came　too　near　to　her。　Like　a　wild　thing；　she　wanted　her
distance。　She　mistrusted　intimacy。

In　Cossethay　and　Ilkeston　she　was　always　an　alien。　She　had
plenty　of　acquaintances；　but　no　friends。　Very　few　people　whom
she　met　were　significant　to　her。　They　seemed　part　of　a　herd；
undistinguished。　She　did　not　take　people　very　seriously。

She　had　two　brothers；　Tom；　darkhaired；　small；　volatile；　whom
she　was　intimately　related　to　but　whom　she　never　mingled　with；
and　Fred；　fair　and　responsive；　whom　she　adored　but　did　not
consider　as　a　real；　separate　thing。　She　was　too　much　the　centre
of　her　own　universe；　too　little　aware　of　anything　outside。

The　first　person　she　met；　who　affected　her　as　a　real；
living　person；　whom　she　regarded　as　having　definite　existence；
was　Baron　Skrebensky；　her　mother's　friend。　He　also　was　a　Polish
exile；　who　had　taken　orders；　and　had　received　from　Mr。　Gladstone
a　small　country　living　in　Yorkshire。

When　Anna　was　about　ten　years　old；　she　went　with　her　mother
to　spend　a　few　days　with　the　Baron　Skrebensky。　He　was　very
unhappy　in　his　redbrick　vicarage。　He　was　vicar　of　a　country
church；　a　living　worth　a　little　over　two　hundred　pounds　a　year；
but　he　had　a　large　parish　containing　several　collieries；　with　a
new；　raw；　heathen　population。　He　went　to　the　north　of　England
expecting　homage　from　the　mon　people；　for　he　was　an
aristocrat。　He　was　roughly；　even　cruelly　received。　But　he　never
understood　it。　He　remained　a　fiery　aristocrat。　Only　he　had　to
learn　to　avoid　his　parishioners。

Anna　was　very　much　impressed　by　him。　He　was　a　smallish　man
with　a　rugged；　rather　crumpled　face　and　blue　eyes　set　very　deep
and　glowing。　His　wife　was　a　tall　thin　woman；　of　noble　Polish
family；　mad　with　pride。　He　still　spoke　broke