The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第32部分

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She　sighed；　and　seemed　to　wake　up；　then　she　kissed　him　again。
Then　she　loosened　herself　away　from　him　and　took　his　hand。　It
hurt　him　when　she　drew　away　from　his　breast。　It　hurt　him　with　a
chagrin。　Why　did　she　draw　away　from　him？　But　she　held　his
hand。

〃I　want　to　go　home；〃　she　said；　looking　at　him　in　a　way　he
could　not　understand。

He　held　close　to　her　hand。　He　was　dazed　and　he　could　not
move；　he　did　not　know　how　to　move。　She　drew　him　away。

He　walked　helplessly　beside　her；　holding　her　hand。　She　went
with　bent　head。　Suddenly　he　said；　as　the　simple　solution　stated
itself　to　him：

〃We'll　get　married；　Anna。〃

She　was　silent。

〃We'll　get　married；　Anna；　shall　we？〃

She　stopped　in　the　field　again　and　kissed　him；　clinging　to
him　passionately；　in　a　way　he　could　not　understand。　He　could　not
understand。　But　he　left　it　all　now；　to　marriage。　That　was　the
solution　now；　fixed　ahead。　He　wanted　her；　he　wanted　to　be
married　to　her；　he　wanted　to　have　her　altogether；　as　his　own　for
ever。　And　he　waited；　intent；　for　the　acplishment。　But　there
was　all　the　while　a　slight　tension　of　irritation。

He　spoke　to　his　uncle　and　aunt　that　night。

〃Uncle；〃　he　said；　〃Anna　and　me　think　of　getting　married。〃

〃Oh　ay！〃　said　Brangwen。

〃But　how；　you　have　no　money？〃　said　the　mother。

The　youth　went　pale。　He　hated　these　words。　But　he　was　like　a
gleaming；　bright　pebble；　something　bright　and　inalterable。　He
did　not　think。　He　sat　there　in　his　hard　brightness；　and　did　not
speak。

〃Have　you　mentioned　it　to　your　own　mother？〃　asked
Brangwen。

〃NoI'll　tell　her　on　Saturday。〃

〃You'll　go　and　see　her？〃

〃Yes。〃

There　was　a　long　pause。

〃And　what　are　you　going　to　marry　onyour　pound　a
week？〃

Again　the　youth　went　pale；　as　if　the　spirit　were　being
injured　in　him。

〃I　don't　know；〃　he　said；　looking　at　his　uncle　with　his　bright
inhuman　eyes；　like　a　hawk's。

Brangwen　stirred　in　hatred。

〃It　needs　knowing；〃　he　said。

〃I　shall　have　the　money　later　on；〃　said　the　nephew。　〃I　will
raise　some　now；　and　pay　it　back　then。〃

〃Oh　ay！And　why　this　desperate　hurry？　She's　a　child　of
eighteen；　and　you're　a　boy　of　twenty。　You're　neither　of　you　of
age　to　do　as　you　like　yet。〃

Will　Brangwen　ducked　his　head　and　looked　at　his　uncle　with
swift；　mistrustful　eyes；　like　a　caged　hawk。

〃What　does　it　matter　how　old　she　is；　and　how　old　I　am？〃　he
said。　〃What's　the　difference　between　me　now　and　when　I'm
thirty？〃

〃A　big　difference；　let　us　hope。〃

〃But　you　have　no　experienceyou　have　no　experience；　and
no　money。　Why　do　you　want　to　marry；　without　experience　or
money？〃　asked　the　aunt。

〃What　experience　do　I　want；　Aunt？〃　asked　the　boy。

And　if　Brangwen's　heart　had　not　been　hard　and　intact　with
anger；　like　a　precious　stone；　he　would　have　agreed。

Will　Brangwen　went　home　strange　and　untouched。　He　felt　he
could　not　alter　from　what　he　was　fixed　upon；　his　will　was　set。
To　alter　it　he　must　be　destroyed。　And　he　would　not　be　destroyed。
He　had　no　money。　But　he　would　get　some　from　somewhere；　it　did
not　matter。　He　lay　awake　for　many　hours；　hard　and　clear　and
unthinking；　his　soul　crystallizing　more　inalterably。　Then　he
went　fast　asleep。

It　was　as　if　his　soul　had　turned　into　a　hard　crystal。　He
might　tremble　and　quiver　and　suffer；　it　did　not　alter。

The　next　morning　Tom　Brangwen；　inhuman　with　anger　spoke　to
Anna。

〃What's　this　about　wanting　to　get　married？〃　he　said。

She　stood；　paling　a　little；　her　dark　eyes　springing　to　the
hostile；　startled　look　of　a　savage　thing　that　will　defend
itself；　but　trembles　with　sensitiveness。

〃I　do；〃　she　said；　out　of　her　unconsciousness。

His　anger　rose；　and　he　would　have　liked　to　break　her。

〃You　doyou　doand　what　for？〃　he　sneered　with　contempt。　The
old；　childish　agony；　the　blindness　that　could　recognize　nobody；
the　palpitating　antagonism　as　of　a　raw；　helpless；　undefended
thing　came　back　on　her。

〃I　do　because　I　do；〃　she　cried；　in　the　shrill；　hysterical　way
of　her　childhood。　〃You　are　not　my　fathermy　father
is　deadyou　are　not　my　father。〃

She　was　still　a　stranger。　She　did　not　recognize　him。　The　cold
blade　cut　down；　deep　into　Brangwen's　soul。　It　cut　him　off　from
her。

〃And　what　if　I'm　not？〃　he　said。

But　he　could　not　bear　it。　It　had　been　so　passionately　dear　to
him；　her　〃FatherDaddie。〃

He　went　about　for　some　days　as　if　stunned。　His　wife　was
bemused。　She　did　not　understand。　She　only　thought　the　marriage
was　impeded　for　want　of　money　and　position。

There　was　a　horrible　silence　in　the　house。　Anna　kept　out　of
sight　as　much　as　possible。　She　could　be　for　hours　alone。

Will　Brangwen　came　back；　after　stupid　scenes　at　Nottingham。
He　too　was　pale　and　blank；　but　unchanging。　His　uncle　hated　him。
He　hated　this　youth；　who　was　so　inhuman　and　obstinate。
Nevertheless；　it　was　to　Will　Brangwen　that　the　uncle；　one
evening；　handed　over　the　shares　which　he　had　transferred　to　Anna
Lensky。　They　were　for　two　thousand　five　hundred　pounds。　Will
Brangwen　looked　at　his　uncle。　It　was　a　great　deal　of　the　Marsh
capital　here　given　away。　The　youth；　however；　was　only　colder　and
more　fixed。　He　was　abstract；　purely　a　fixed　will。　He　gave　the
shares　to　Anna。

After　which　she　cried　for　a　whole　day；　sobbing　her　eyes　out。
And　at　night；　when　she　had　heard　her　mother　go　to　bed；　she
slipped　down　and　hung　in　the　doorway。　Her　father　sat　in　his
heavy　silence；　like　a　monument。　He　turned　his　head　slowly。

〃Daddy；〃　she　cried　from　the　doorway；　and　she　ran　to　him
sobbing　as　if　her　heart　would　break。
〃Daddydaddydaddy。〃

She　crouched　on　the　hearthrug　with　her　arms　round　him　and　her
face　against　him。　His　body　was　so　big　and　fortable。　But
something　hurt　her　head　intolerably。　She　sobbed　almost　with
hysteria。

He　was　silent；　with　his　hand　on　her　shoulder。　His　heart　was
bleak。　He　was　not　her　father。　That　beloved　image　she　had　broken。
Who　was　he　then？　A　man　put　apart　with　those　whose　life　has　no
more　developments。　He　was　isolated　from　her。　There　was　a
generation　between　them；　he　was　old；　he　had　died　out　from　hot
life。　A　great　deal　of　ash　was　in　his　fire；　cold　ash。　He　felt　the
inevitable　coldness；　and　in　bitterness　fot　the　fire。　He　sat
in　his　coldness　of　age　and　isolation。　He　had　his　own　wife。　And
he　blamed　himself；　he　sneered　at　himself；　for　this　clinging　to
the　young；　wanting　the　young　to　belong　to　him。

The　child　who　clung　to　him　wanted　her　childhusband。　As　was
natural。　And　from　him；　Brangwen；　she　wanted　help；　so　that　her
life　might　be　properly　fitted　out。　But　love　she　did　not　want。
Why　should　there　be　love　between　them；　between　the　stout；
middleaged　man　and　this　child？　How　could　there　be　anything
between　them；　but　mere　human　willingness　to　help　each　other？　He
was　her　guardian；　no　more。　His　heart　was　like　ice；　his　face　cold
and　expressionless。　She　could　not　move　him　any　more　than　a
statue。

She　crept　to　bed；　and　cried。　But　she　was　going　to　be　married
to　Will　Brangwen；　and　then　she　need　not　bother　any　more。
Brangwen　went　to　bed　with　a　hard；　cold　heart；　and　cursed
himself。　He　looked　at　his　wife。　She　was　still　his　wife。　Her　dark
hair　was　threaded　with　grey；　her　face　was　beautiful　in　its
gathering　age。　She　was　just　fifty。　How　poignantly　he　saw　her！
And　he　wanted　to　cut　out　some　of　his　own　heart；　which　was
incontinent；　and　demanded　still　to　share　the　rapid　life　of
youth。　How　he　hated　himself。

His　wife　was　so　poignant　and　timely。　She　was　still　young　and
naive；　with　some　girl's　freshness。　But　she　did　not　want　any　more
the　fight；　the　battle；　the　control；　as　he；　in　his　incontinence；
still　did。　She　was　so　natural；　and　he　was　ugly；　unnatural；　in
his　inability　to　yield　place。　How　hideous；　this　greedy
middleage；　which　must　stand　in　the　way　of　life；　like　a　large
demon。

What　was　missing　in　his　life；　that；　in　his　ravening　soul；　he
was　not　satisfied？　He　had　had　that　friend　at　school；　his　mother；
his　wife；　and　Anna？　What　had　he　done？　He　had　failed　with　his
friend；　he　had　been　a　poor　son；　but　he　had　known　satisfaction
with　his　wife；　let　it　be　enough；　he　loathed　himself　for　the
state　he　was　in　over　Anna。　Yet　he　was　not　satisfied。　It　was
agony　to　know　it。

Was　his　life　nothing？　Had　he　nothing　to　show；　no　work？　He　did
not　count　his　work；　anybody　could　have　done　it。　What　had　he