The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第54部分

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hour　would　e。

In　the　long　run；　he　learned　to　submit　to　Anna。　She　forced　him
to　the　spirit　of　her　laws；　whilst　leaving　him　the　letter　of　his
own。　She　bated　in　him　his　devils。　She　suffered　very　much　from
his　inexplicable　and　incalculable　dark　rages；　when　a　blackness
filled　him；　and　a　black　wind　seemed　to　sweep　out　of　existence
everything　that　had　to　do　with　him。　She　could　feel　herself；
everything；　being　annihilated　by　him。

At　first　she　fought　him。　At　night；　in　this　state；　he　would
kneel　down　to　say　his　prayers。　She　looked　at　his　crouching
figure。

〃Why　are　you　kneeling　there；　pretending　to　pray？〃　she　said；
harshly。　〃Do　you　think　anybody　can　pray；　when　they　are　in　the
vile　temper　you　are　in？〃

He　remained　crouching　by　the　beside；　motionless。

〃It's　horrible；〃　she　continued；　〃and　such　a　pretence！　What　do
you　pretend　you　are　saying？　Who　do　you　pretend　you　are　praying
to？〃

He　still　remained　motionless；　seething　with　inchoate　rage；
when　his　whole　nature　seemed　to　disintegrate。　He　seemed　to　live
with　a　strain　upon　himself；　and　occasionally　came　these　dark；
chaotic　rages；　the　lust　for　destruction。　She　then　fought　with
him；　and　their　fights　were　horrible；　murderous。　And　then　the
passion　between　them　came　just　as　black　and　awful。

But　little　by　little；　as　she　learned　to　love　him　better；　she
would　put　herself　aside；　and　when　she　felt　one　of　his　fits　upon
him；　would　ignore　him；　successfully　leave　him　in　his　world；
whilst　she　remained　in　her　own。　He　had　a　black　struggle　with
himself；　to　e　back　to　her。　For　at　last　he　learned　that　he
would　be　in　hell　until　he　came　back　to　her。　So　he　struggled　to
submit　to　her；　and　she　was　afraid　of　the　ugly　strain　in　his
eyes。　She　made　love　to　him；　and　took　him。　Then　he　was　grateful
to　her　love；　humble。

He　made　himself　a　woodwork　shed；　in　which　to　restore　things
which　were　destroyed　in　the　church。　So　he　had　plenty　to　do：　his
wife；　his　child；　the　church；　the　woodwork；　and　his　wageearning；
all　occupying　him。　If　only　there　were　not　some　limit　to　him；
some　darkness　across　his　eyes！　He　had　to　give　in　to　it　at　last
himself。　He　must　submit　to　his　oe
limit　to　himself；　of　＇something　unformed　in＇　his　own　black；
violent　temper；　and　to　reckon　with　it。　But　as　she　was　more　gentle
with　him；　it　became　quieter。

As　he　sat　sometimes　very　still；　with　a　bright；　vacant　face；
Anna　could　see　the　suffering　among　the　brightness。　He　was　aware
of　some　limit　to　himself；　of　something　unformed　in　his　very
being；　of　some　buds　which　were　not　ripe　in　him；　some　folded
centres　of　darkness　which　would　never　develop　and　unfold　whilst
he　was　alive　in　the　body。　He　was　unready　for　fulfilment。
Something　undeveloped　in　him　limited　him；　there　was　a　darkness
in　him　which　he　could　not　unfold；　which　would　never
unfold　in　him。



CHAPTER　VIII

THE　CHILD

From　the　first；　the　baby　stirred　in　the　young　father　a
deep；　strong　emotion　he　dared　scarcely　acknowledge；　it　was　so
strong　and　came　out　of　the　dark　of　him。　When　he　heard　the　child
cry；　a　terror　possessed　him；　because　of　the　answering　echo　from
the　unfathomed　distances　in　himself。　Must　he　know　in　himself
such　distances；　perilous　and　imminent？

He　had　the　infant　in　his　arms；　he　walked　backwards　and
forwards　troubled　by　the　crying　of　his　own　flesh　and　blood。　This
was　his　own　flesh　and　blood　crying！　His　soul　rose　against　the
voice　suddenly　breaking　out　from　him；　from　the　distances　in
him。

Sometimes　in　the　night；　the　child　cried　and　cried；　when　the
night　was　heavy　and　sleep　oppressed　him。　And　half　asleep；　he
stretched　out　his　hand　to　put　it　over　the　baby's　face　to　stop
the　crying。　But　something　arrested　his　hand：　the　very
inhumanness　of　the　intolerable；　continuous　crying　arrested　him。
It　was　so　impersonal；　without　cause　or　object。　Yet　he　echoed　to
it　directly；　his　soul　answered　its　madness。　It　filled　him　with
terror；　almost　with　frenzy。

He　learned　to　acquiesce　to　this；　to　submit　to　the　awful；
obliterated　sources　which　were　the　origin　of　his　living　tissue。
He　was　not　what　he　conceived　himself　to　be！　Then　he　was　what　he
was；　unknown；　potent；　dark。

He　became　accustomed　to　the　child；　he　knew　how　to　lift　and
balance　the　little　body。　The　baby　had　a　beautiful；　rounded　head
that　moved　him　passionately。　He　would　have　fought　to　the　last
drop　to　defend　that　exquisite；　perfect　round　head。

He　learned　to　know　the　little　hands　and　feet；　the　strange；
unseeing；　goldenbrown　eyes；　the　mouth　that　opened　only　to　cry；
or　to　suck；　or　to　show　a　queer；　toothless　laugh。　He　could　almost
understand　even　the　dangling　legs；　which　at　first　had　created　in
him　a　feeling　of　aversion。　They　could　kick　in　their　queer　little
way；　they　had　their　own　softness。

One　evening；　suddenly；　he　saw　the　tiny；　living　thing　rolling
naked　in　the　mother's　lap；　and　he　was　sick；　it　was　so　utterly
helpless　and　vulnerable　and　extraneous；　in　a　world　of　hard
surfaces　and　varying　altitudes；　it　lay　vulnerable　and　naked　at
every　point。　Yet　it　was　quite　blithe。　And　yet；　in　its　blind；
awful　crying；　was　there　not　the　blind；　faroff　terror　of　its　own
vulnerable　nakedness；　the　terror　of　being　so　utterly　delivered
over；　helpless　at　every　point。　He　could　not　bear　to　hear　it
crying。　His　heart　strained　and　stood　on　guard　against　the　whole
universe。

But　he　waited　for　the　dread　of　these　days　to　pass；　he　saw　the
joy　ing。　He　saw　the　lovely；　creamy；　cool　little　ear　of　the
baby；　a　bit　of　dark　hair　rubbed　to　a　bronze　floss；　like
bronzedust。　And　he　waited；　for　the　child　to　bee　his；　to　look
at　him　and　answer　him。

It　had　a　separate　being；　but　it　was　his　own　child。　His　flesh
and　blood　vibrated　to　it。　He　caught　the　baby　to　his　breast　with
his　passionate；　clapping　laugh。　And　the　infant　knew　him。

As　the　newlyopened；　newlydawned　eyes　looked　at　him；　he
wanted　them　to　perceive　him；　to　recognize　him。　Then　he　was
verified。　The　child　knew　him；　a　queer　contortion　of　laughter
came　on　its　face　for　him。　He　caught　it　to　his　breast；　clapping
with　a　triumphant　laugh。

The　goldenbrown　eyes　of　the　child　gradually　lit　up　and
dilated　at　the　sight　of　the　darkglowing　face　of　the　youth。　It
knew　its　mother　better；　it　wanted　its　mother　more。　But　the
brightest；　sharpest　little　ecstasy　was　for　the　father。

It　began　to　be　strong；　to　move　vigorously　and　freely；　to　make
sounds　like　words。　It　was　a　baby　girl　now。　Already　it　knew　his
strong　hands；　it　exulted　in　his　strong　clasp；　it　laughed　and
crowed　when　he　played　with　it。

And　his　heart　grew　redhot　with　passionate　feeling　for
the　child。　She　was　not　much　more　than　a　year　old　when　the　second
baby　was　born。　Then　he　took　Ursula　for　his　own。　She　his　first
little　girl。　He　had　set　his　heart　on　her。

The　second　had　dark　blue　eyes　and　a　fair　skin：　it　was　more　a
Brangwen；　people　said。　The　hair　was　fair。　But　they　fot　Anna's
stiff　blonde　fleece　of　childhood。　They　called　the　newer
Gudrun。

This　time；　Anna　was　stronger；　and　not　so　eager。　She　did　not
mind　that　the　baby　was　not　a　boy。　It　was　enough　that　she　had
milk　and　could　suckle　her　child：　Oh；　oh；　the　bliss　of　the　little
life　sucking　the　milk　of　her　body！　Oh；　oh；　oh　the　bliss；　as　the
infant　grew　stronger；　of　the　two　tiny　hands　clutching；　catching
blindly　yet　passionately　at　her　breast；　of　the　tiny　mouth
seeking　her　in　blind；　sure；　vital　knowledge；　of　the　sudden
consummate　peace　as　the　little　body　sank；　the　mouth　and　throat
sucking；　sucking；　sucking；　drinking　life　from　her　to　make　a　new
life；　almost　sobbing　with　passionate　joy　of　receiving　its　own
existence；　the　tiny　hands　clutching　frantically　as　the　nipple
was　drawn　back；　not　to　be　gainsaid。　This　was　enough　for　Anna。
She　seemed　to　pass　off　into　a　kind　of　rapture　of　motherhood；　her
rapture　of　motherhood　was　everything。

So　that　the　father　had　the　elder　baby；　the　weaned　child；　the
goldenbrown；　wondering　vivid　eyes　of　the　little　Ursula　were　for
him；　who　had　waited　behind　the　mother　till　the　need　was　for　him。
The　mother　felt　a　sharp　stab　of　jealousy。　But　she　was　still　more
absorbed　in　the　tiny　baby。　It　was　entirely　hers；　its　need　was
direct　upon　her。

So　Ursula　became　the　child　of　her　father's　heart。　She　was　the
little　blossom；　he　was　the　sun。　He　was　patient；　energetic；
inventive　for　her。　He　taught　her　all　t