The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第58部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


her；　she　became　hard；　cut　herself　off　from　all　connection；　lived
in　the　little　separate　world　of　her　own　violent　will。

As　she　grew　older；　five；　six；　seven；　the　connection　between
her　and　her　father　was　even　stronger。　Yet　it　was　always
straining　to　break。　She　was　always　relapsing　on　her　own　violent
will　into　her　own　separate　world　of　herself。　This　made　him　grind
his　teeth　with　bitterness；　for　he　still　wanted　her。　But　she
could　harden　herself　into　her　own　self's　universe；
impregnable。

He　was　very　fond　of　swimming；　and　in　warm　weather　would　take
her　down　to　the　canal；　to　a　silent　place；　or　to　a　big　pond　or
reservoir；　to　bathe。　He　would　take　her　on　his　back　as　he　went
swimming；　and　she　clung　close；　feeling　his　strong　movement　under
her；　so　strong；　as　if　it　would　uphold　all　the　world。　Then　he
taught　her　to　swim。

She　was　a　fearless　little　thing；　when　he　dared　her。　And　he
had　a　curious　craving　to　frighten　her；　to　see　what　she　would　do
with　him。　He　said；　would　she　ride　on　his　back　whilst　he　jumped
off　the　canal　bridge　down　into　the　water　beneath。

She　would。　He　loved　to　feel　the　naked　child　clinging　on　to
his　shoulders。　There　was　a　curious　fight　between　their　two
wills。　He　mounted　the　parapet　of　the　canal　bridge。　The　water　was
a　long　way　down。　But　the　child　had　a　deliberate　will　set　upon
his。　She　held　herself　fixed　to　him。

He　leapt；　and　down　they　went。　The　crash　of　the　water　as　they
went　under　struck　through　the　child's　small　body；　with　a　sort　of
unconsciousness。　But　she　remained　fixed。　And　when　they　came　up
again；　and　when　they　went　to　the　bank；　and　when　they　sat　on　the
grass　side　by　side；　he　laughed；　and　said　it　was　fine。　And　the
darkdilated　eyes　of　the　child　looked　at　him　wonderingly；
darkly；　wondering　from　the　shock；　yet　reserved　and　unfathomable；
so　he　laughed　almost　with　a　sob。

In　a　moment　she　was　clinging　safely　on　his　back　again；　and　he
was　swimming　in　deep　water。　She　was　used　to　his　nakedness；　and
to　her　mother's　nakedness；　ever　since　she　was　born。　They　were
clinging　to　each　other；　and　making　up　to　each　other　for　the
strange　blow　that　had　been　struck　at　them。　Yet　still；　on　other
days；　he　would　leap　again　with　her　from　the　bridge；　daringly；
almost　wickedly。　Till　at　length；　as　he　leapt；　once；　she　dropped
forward　on　to　his　head；　and　nearly　broke　his　neck；　so　that　they
fell　into　the　water　in　a　heap；　and　fought　for　a　few　moments　with
death。　He　saved　her；　and　sat　on　the　bank；　quivering。　But　his
eyes　were　full　of　the　blackness　of　death。　It　was　as　if　death　had
cut　between　their　two　lives；　and　separated　them。

Still　they　were　not　separate。　There　was　this　curious　taunting
intimacy　between　them。　When　the　fair　came；　she　wanted　to　go　in
the　swingboats。　He　took　her；　and；　standing　up　in　the　boat；
holding　on　to　the　irons；　began　to　drive　higher；　perilously
higher。　The　child　clung　fast　on　her　seat。

〃Do　you　want　to　go　any　higher？〃　he　said　to　her；　and　she
laughed　with　her　mouth；　her　eyes　wide　and　dilated。　They　were
rushing　through　the　air。

〃Yes；〃　she　said；　feeling　as　if　she　would　turn　into　vapour；
lose　hold　of　everything；　and　melt　away。　The　boat　swung　far　up；
then　down　like　a　stone；　only　to　be　caught　sickeningly　up
again。

〃Any　higher？〃　he　called；　looking　at　her　over　his　shoulder；
his　face　evil　and　beautiful　to　her。

She　laughed　with　white　lips。

He　sent　the　swingboat　sweeping　through　the　air　in　a　great
semicircle；　till　it　jerked　and　swayed　at　the　high　horizontal。
The　child　clung　on；　pale；　her　eyes　fixed　on　him。　People　below
were　calling。　The　jerk　at　the　top　had　almost　shaken　them　both
out。　He　had　done　what　he　couldand　he　was　attracting
censure。　He　sat　down；　and　let　the　swingboat　swing　itself
out。

People　in　the　crowd　cried　shame　on　him　as　he　came　out　of　the
swingboat。　He　laughed。　The　child　clung　to　his　hand；　pale　and
mute。　In　a　while　she　was　violently　sick。　He　gave　her　lemonade；
and　she　gulped　a　little。

〃Don't　tell　your　mother　you've　been　sick；〃　he　said。　There　was
no　need　to　ask　that。　When　she　got　home；　the　child　crept　away
under　the　parlour　sofa；　like　a　sick　little　animal；　and　was　a
long　time　before　she　crawled　out。

But　Anna　got　to　know　of　this　escapade；　and　was　passionately
angry　and　contemptuous　of　him。　His　goldenbrown　eyes　glittered；
he　had　a　strange；　cruel　little　smile。　And　as　the　child　watched
him；　for　the　first　time　in　her　life　a　disillusion　came　over　her；
something　cold　and　isolating。　She　went　over　to　her　mother。　Her
soul　was　dead　towards　him。　It　made　her　sick。

Still　she　fot　and　continued　to　love　him；　but　ever　more
coldly。　He　was　at　this　time；　when　he　was　about　twentyeight
years　old；　strange　and　violent　in　his　being；　sensual。　He
acquired　some　power　over　Anna；　over　everybody　he　came　into
contact　with。

After　a　long　bout　of　hostility；　Anna　at　last　closed　with　him。
She　had　now　four　children；　all　girls。　For　seven　years　she　had
been　absorbed　in　wifehood　and　motherhood。　For　years　he　had　gone
on　beside　her；　never　really　encroaching　upon　her。　Then　gradually
another　self　seemed　to　assert　its　being　within　him。　He　was　still
silent　and　separate。　But　she　could　feel　him　all　the　while　ing
near　upon　her；　as　if　his　breast　and　his　body　were　threatening
her；　and　he　was　always　ing　closer。　Gradually　he　became
indifferent　of　responsibility。　He　would　do　what　pleased　him；　and
no　more。

He　began　to　go　away　from　home。　He　went　to　Nottingham　on
Saturdays；　always　alone；　to　the　football　match　and　to　the
musichall；　and　all　the　time　he　was　watching；　in　readiness。　He
never　cared　to　drink。　But　with　his　hard；　goldenbrown　eyes；　so
keen　seeing　with　their　tiny　black　pupils；　he　watched　all　the
people；　everything　that　happened；　and　he　waited。

In　the　Empire　one　evening　he　sat　next　to　two　girls。　He　was
aware　of　the　one　beside　him。　She　was　rather　small；　mon；　with
a　fresh　plexion　and　an　upper　lip　that　lifted　from　her　teeth；
so　that；　when　she　was　not　conscious；　her　mouth　was　slightly　open
and　her　lips　pressed　outwards　in　a　kind　of　blind　appeal。　She　was
strongly　aware　of　the　man　next　to　her；　so　that　all　her　body　was
still；　very　still。　Her　face　watched　the　stage。　Her　arms　went
down　into　her　lap；　very　selfconscious　and　still。

A　gleam　lit　up　in　him：　should　he　begin　with　her？　Should　he
begin　with　her　to　live　the　other；　the　unadmitted　life　of　his
desire？　Why　not？　He　had　always　been　so　good。　Save　for　his　wife；
he　was　a　virgin。　And　why；　when　all　women　were　different？　Why；
when　he　would　only　live　once？　He　wanted　the　other　life。　His　own
life　was　barren；　not　enough。　He　wanted　the　other。

Her　open　mouth；　showing　the　small；　irregular；　white　teeth；
appealed　to　him。　It　was　open　and　ready。　It　was　so　vulnerable。
Why　should　he　not　go　in　and　enjoy　what　was　there？　The　slim　arm
that　went　down　so　still　and　motionless　to　the　lap；　it　was
pretty。　She　would　be　small；　he　would　be　able　almost　to　hold　her
in　his　two　hands。　She　would　be　small；　almost　like　a　child；　and
pretty。　Her　childishness　whetted　him　keenly。　She　would　he
helpless　between　his　hands。

〃That　was　the　best　turn　we've　had；〃　he　said　to　her；　leaning
over　as　he　clapped　his　hands。　He　felt　strong　and　unshakeable　in
himself；　set　over　against　all　the　world。　His　soul　was　keen　and
watchful；　glittering　with　a　kind　of　amusement。　He　was　perfectly
selfcontained。　He　was　himself；　the　absolute；　the　rest　of　the
world　was　the　object　that　should　contribute　to　his　being。

The　girl　started；　turned　round；　her　eyes　lit　up　with　an
almost　painful　flash　of　a　smile；　the　colour　came　deeply　in　her
cheeks。

〃Yes；　it　eaninglessly；　and　she　covered
her　rather　prominent　teeth　with　her　lips。　Then　she　sat　looking
straight　before　her；　seeing　nothing；　only　conscious　of　the
colour　burning　in　her　cheeks。

It　pricked　him　with　a　pleasant　sensation。　His　veins　and　his
nerves　attended　to　her；　she　was　so　young　and　palpitating。

〃It's　not　such　a　good　programme　as　last　week's；〃　he　said。

Again　she　half　turned　her　face　to　him；　and　her　clear；　bright
eyes；　bright　like　shallow　water；　filled　with　light；　frightened；
yet　involuntarily　lighting　and　shaking　with　response。

〃Oh；　isn't　it！　I　wasn't　able　to　e　last　week。〃

He　noted　the　mon　accent。　It　pleased　him。　He　knew　what
class　she　came　of。　Probably　she　was　a　warehouselass。　He