annr.pandora-第36部分

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rn！　All　of　you　will　burn！　As　I　burn！　Because　I　am　the　Fount！　And　the　evil　in　me　will　be　burnt　and　extinguished　in　all　of　you　forever。　e；　you　miserable　fledgling；〃　she　said　to　me。　〃Do　as　they　say。　Drink；　and　wait　my　vengeance。
　〃The　god　Amon　Ra　will　rise　in　the　East　and　I　will　walk　towards　him；　and　his　deadly　rays　will　kill　me。　I　shall　be　a　sacrifice　of　fire　to　destroy　every　one　of　you　who　has　been　born　of　me；　transformed　by　my　blood！　You　greedy　wanton　gods　who　would　use　the　power　we　possess　for　gain！〃
　Then　a　hideous　transformation　befell　the　entire　dream。　She　rose　to　her　feet。　She　was　pristine　and　freshly　adorned。　Torches　burst　into　flame　around　her；　one　and　two　and　three　and　then　many　and　more；　flaring　as　if　they'd　just　been　ignited；　till　she　was　surrounded　by　flame。　The　gods　were　gone。　She　smiled　and　beckoned　to　me。　She　lowered　her　head；　the　white　beneath　her　eyes　shone　as　she　looked　up　at　me。　She　smiled。　She　was　cunning。
　I　woke　up　screaming。
　I　was　in　my　bed。　Antioch。　The　lamp　burned。　Flavius　held　me。　I　saw　the　light　shine　on　his　ivory　leg　as　it　was　stretched　out。　I　saw　the　light　shine　on　the　carved　toes。
　〃Hold　onto　me；　hold　me！〃　I　said。　〃Mother　Isis！　Hold　me。
　〃How　long　have　I　been　asleep？〃
　〃Only　moments；〃　he　said。
　〃No。〃
　〃The　sun　has　just　risen。　Do　you　want　to　go　out；　lie　in　the　warm　sun　perhaps？〃
　〃No！〃　I　screamed。
　He　tightened　his　warm；　desperate　forting　grip。　〃It　was　only　a　bad　dream；　my　beautiful　lady；〃　he　said。　〃Close　your　eyes。　I'll　sleep　by　your　side；　with　my　dagger　here。〃
　〃Oh；　yes；　please；　please；　Flavius。　Don't　let　me　go。　Hold　me；〃　I　cried。
　。I　lay　down　and　he　snuggled　next　to　me；　his　knees　behind　mine；　his　arm　over　me。
　My　eyes　opened。　I　heard　Marius's　voice　again；
　〃Thank　the　gods　that　I　don't　want　you！　Not　enough　to　betray　love　for　brief　and　bloody　ecstasy。〃
　〃Oh；　Flavius；〃　I　said。　〃My　skin！　Is　my　skin　burning！〃　I　started　to　rise。　〃Put　out　the　light。　Put　out　the　sun！〃
　〃No；　Madam；　your　skin　is　as　beautiful　as　it　always　was。　Lie　down。　Let　me　sing　to　you。〃
　〃Yes；　sing。。。〃　I　said。
　I　followed　his　song；　it　was　Homer；　it　was　Achilles　and　Hector；　and　I　loved　the　way　he　sang　it；　the　pauses　he　made；　I　pictured　those　heroes；　and　the　high　walls　of　doomed　Troy；　and　my　eyes　grew　heavy。　I　drifted。　I　rested。
　He　placed　his　hand　over　my　head；　as　if　to　keep　the　dreams　out；　as　if　to　be　a　human　dream　catcher。　And　I　sighed　as　he　smoothed　my　hair。
　I　pictured　Marius；　the　sheen　of　his　skin。　It　had　been　so　like　that　of　the　Queen；　and　the　dazzle　of　his　eyes；　so　truly　like　that　of　the　Queen；　and　I　heard　him　say；　〃Damn　it；　Pandora；　do　you　think　I　wanted　my　life　foreshortened　and　my　destiny　extended　forever！〃
　And　there　followed；　before　unconsciousness；　the　utter　despair；　the　sense　of　worthlessness　of　all　striving。　Better　that　we　be　no　more　than　beasts；　like　the　lions　in　the　arena。
　
　
　8
　
　I　awoke。　I　could　hear　the　birds。　I　wasn't　sure。　I　calculated　that　it　was　still　morning；　midmorning。
　I　walked　barefoot　into　the　next　room；　and　through　it　into　the　peristyle。　I　walked　on　the　tiled　edge　of　the　Earth　and　looked　up　at　the　blue　sky。　The　sun　had　not　yet　risen　high　enough　to　be　seen　directly　above。
　I　unbolted　the　door　and　went　barefoot　to　the　gate。　To　the　first　man　I　saw；　a　man　of　the　desert；　wearing　a　long　head　veil；　I　said：
　〃What　rime　is　it？　Noon'？〃
　〃Oh；　no；　Madam；〃　he　said。　〃Not　by　half。　Have　you　overslept？　How　lucky　for　you。〃　He　nodded　and　went　on。
　A　lamp　burned　in　the　living　room。　I　walked　into　the　living　room　and　saw　that　the　lamp　stood　on　the　desk　which　my　servants　had　prepared　for　me。
　The　ink　was　there　and　so　were　the　pens；　and　so　were　sheets　of　clean　parchment。
　I　sat　down　and　I　wrote　down　everything　that　I　could　remember　of　the　dreams；　my　eyes　straining　to　see　by　the　miserable　little　lamp　in　the　shadows；　too　far　from　the　light　that　filled　the　fresh　green　garden　of　the　peristyle。
　My　arm　hurt　finally　from　the　speed　with　which　I　scratched　at　the　parchment。　In　detail　I　described　the　last　dream；　the　torches；　the　Queen's　smile；　her　beckoning　to　me。　It　was　done。　All　the　while；　I　had　set　aside　the　pages　to　dry　all　about　me　on　the　floor。　There　was　no　breeze　or　wind　to　threaten　them。　I　gathered　them　up。
　I　went　to　the　edge　of　the　garden　deliberately　to　look　at　the　blue　sky；　this　sheaf　of　papers　dose　to　my　breast。　Blue　and　clear。
　〃And　you　cover　this　world；〃　I　said。　〃And　you　are　changeless；　save　for　one　light　that　rises　and　sets；〃　I　said　to　the　sky。　〃Then　es　the　night　with　deceptive　and　seductive　patterns！〃
　〃Madam！〃　It　was　Flavius　behind　me；　and　very　sleepy；　〃You've　scarcely　slept　at　all。　You　need　rest。　Go　back　to　bed。〃
　〃Go　get　my　sandals　now；　hurry；〃　I　said。
　And　as　he　disappeared；　so　did　I　…　out　the　front　gate　of　the　house；　walking　as　fast　as　I　could。　I　was　halfway　to　the　Temple　of　Isis　when　I　realized　the　disfort　of　confronting　this　filthy　street　in　bare　feet。　I　realized　I　wore　the　rumpled　linen　dresses　in　which　I'd　slept。　My　hair　streamed。　I　didn't　slow　my　pace。
　I　was　elated。　I　was　not　helpless　as　when　I　had　fled　my　Father's　house；　I　was　not　edgy　and　in　deep　danger　as　when　Lucius　had　pointed　me　out　to　the　Roman　soldiers　last　night。
　I　was　not　gripped　in　fear　as　I　had　been　when　the　Queen　smiled　to　me　in　the　dream。　Nor　shivering　as　I　had　been　upon　waking。
　I　walked　on　and　on。　I　was　in　the　grip　of　an　immense　drama。　I　would　see　it　through　to　the　last　act。
　People　passed　…　laborers　of　the　morning；　an　old　man　with　a　crooked　stick。　I　barely　saw　these　people。
　I　took　a　cold　small　delight　in　the　fact　that　they　noticed　my　loose；　free　hair　and　my　wrinkled　gowns。　I　wondered　what　it　must　be　like　to　separate　oneself　from　all　civilization　and　never　worry　again　about　the　position　of　a　fastening　or　a　pin；　to　sleep　on　grass；　to　fear　nothing！
　Fear　nothing！　Ah；　that　was　so　beautiful　to　me。
　I　came　to　the　Forum。　The　markets　were　busy；　the　beggars　were　out　in　full　force。　Curtained　litters　were　being　carried　every　which　way。　The　philosophers　were　teaching　under　the　porticoes。　I　could　hear　those　huge　strange　noises　that　always　e　from　a　harbor　…　of　the　cargo　being　dropped；　perhaps；　I　didn't　know。　I　smelled　the　Orontes。　I　hoped　Lucius's　body　was　floating　in　it。
　I　went　up　the　steps　and　right　into　the　Temple　of　Isis。
　〃The　High　Priest　and　Priestess；〃　I　said。　〃I　must　see　them。〃　I　walked　past　a　confused　and　distinctly　virginal…looking　young　woman　and　went　into　the　side　chamber　where　they　had　first　spoken　to　me。　No　table。　Only　the　couch。　I　went　into　another　apartment　of　the　Temple。　A　table。　Scrolls。
　I　heard　feet　rushing。　The　Priestess　came　to　me。　She　was　already　painted　for　the　day　and　her　wig　and　ornaments　were　in　place。　I　felt　no　shock　as　I　looked　at　her。
　〃Look；〃　I　said。　〃I　had　another　dream。〃　I　pointed　to　the　sheets　which　I　had　piled　neatly　on　the　table。　〃I've　written　down　everything　for　you。〃
　The　Priest　arrived。　He　approached　the　table　and　stared　at　the　sheets。
　〃Read　it　all；　every　word。　Read　it　now。　Bear　witness　lest　something　happens　to　me！〃
　The　Priest　and　Priestess　stood　on　opposite　sides　of　me；　the　Priest　carefully　lifting　the　pages　to　study　each　one；　while　not　actually　turning　over　the　stack。
　〃I　am　a　migrant　soul；〃　I　said。　〃She　wants　some　reckoning　or　favor　of　me；　I　don't　know　which；　but　she　lives！　She　is　no　mere　statue。〃
　They　stared　at　me。
　〃Well？　Speak　up？　Everyone　es　to　you　for　guidance。〃
　〃But　Madam；〃　said　the　Priest；　〃we　can't　read　any　of　this。〃
　〃What？〃
　〃It's　written　in　the　most　ancient　and　ornate　form　of　the　old　picture　writing。〃
　〃What！〃
　I　stared　down　at　the　pages。　I　saw　only　my　own　words　as　they　had　flowed　in　a　cadence　from　my　mind；　through　my　hand；　through　my　pen。　I　couldn't　make　my　eyes　fix　upon　the　form　of　the　letters。
　I　lifted　the　last　page　and　read　aloud；　〃Her　smile　was　cunning。　It　filled　me　with　fear。〃　I　held　out　the　page。
　They　shook　their　heads　in　firm　denial。
　Suddenly　there　was　a　little　ruckus　and　Flavius；　much　out　of　breath　and　red　in　the　face；　was　admitted　to　the　room。　He　had　my　sandals。　He　took　one　look　at　me　and　rested　back　against　the　wall　in　great　and　obvious　relief。
　〃e　here；〃　I　said。
　He　obeyed。
　〃Now　look　at　these　pages；　read　them；　are　they　not　in　Latin？〃
　Two　slaves　came　tim