anner.bloodandgold-第100部分

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d　not　seem　even　to　blink。　And　so　it　was　that　tender　Bianca　was　initiated　into　these　powerful　mysteries　with　great　care　and　thought　them　beautiful　and　nothing　more。
　　　〃It　was　to　this　chapel；〃　I　explained；　〃that　I　would　e　when　I　left　Venice；　and　I　would　light　the　lamps　for　the　King　and　the　Queen；　and　bring　fresh　flowers。　You　see；　there　are　none　now。　But　I　will　bring　them　when　I　can。〃
　　　Once　again；　I　realized　that　in　spite　of　my　enthusiasm　and　gratitude；　I　couldn't　really　make　her　know　what　a　miracle　it　was　that　Akasha　had　opened　the　door　for　us；　or　lighted　the　lamps。　Indeed；　I　didn't　dare　to　do　it；　and　now　that　I　had　finished　this　respectful　recital；　I　closed　my　eyes；　and　in　silence　I　thanked　both　Akasha　and　Enkil　that　they　had　admitted　me　to　the　sanctuary；　and　that　they　had　greeted　us　with　the　gift　of　light。
　　　Over　and　over　I　offered　my　prayers；　perhaps　unable　myself　to　grasp　the　fact　that　they　had　so　weled　me；　and　not　too　certain　of　what　it　really　meant。　Was　I　loved？　Was　I　needed？　It　seemed　I　must　accept　without　presumption。　It　seemed　I　must　be　grateful　without　imagining　things　that　weren't　so。
　　　I　knelt　in　quietude　for　a　long　time　and　Bianca　must　surely　have　observed　me　for　she　too　was　quiet；　and　then　I　could　bear　the　thirst　no　longer。　I　stared　at　Akasha。　I　desired　the　Blood。　I　could　think　of　nothing　but　the　Blood。　All　my　injuries　were　as　so　many　open　wounds　in　me。　And　my　wounds　bled　for　the　Blood。　I　had　to　attempt　to　take　the　all…powerful　Blood　from　the　Queen。
　　　〃My　beauty；〃　I　said；　placing　my　gloved　hand　on　Bianca's　tender　arm。　〃I　want　you　to　go　to　the　corner　there　and　to　sit　quiet；　and　to　say　nothing　of　what　you　see。〃
　　　〃But　what　will　happen？〃　she　whispered。　For　the　first　time　she　sounded　afraid。　She　looked　about　herself　at　the　shivering　flames　of　the　lamps；　at　the　glowing　candles；　at　the　painted　walls。
　　　〃Do　as　I　tell　you；〃　I　said。　I　had　to　say　it；　and　she　had　to　do　it；　for　how　was　I　ever　to　know　whether　the　Queen　would　let　me　drink？
　　　As　soon　as　Bianca　was　in　the　corner　with　her　heavy　cloak　wrapped　around　her　and　as　far　away　as　possible；　for　whatever　good　it　would　do；　I　prayed　in　silence　for　the　Blood。
　　　〃You　see　me　and　what　I　am；〃　I　said　silently；　〃you　know　that　I　have　been　burnt。　This　is　why　you　opened　the　door　for　me　and　admitted　me；　because　I　could　not　do　it；　and　surely　you　see　what　a　monster　I　have　bee。　Have　mercy　on　me　and　let　me　drink　from　you　as　you　have　done　in　the　past。　I　need　the　Blood。　I　need　it　more　than　I　have　ever　needed　it。　And　so　I　e　to　you　with　respect。〃
　　　I　removed　my　leather　mask　and　laid　it　aside。　I　was　as　hideous　now　as　those　old　burnt　gods　whom　Akasha　had　once　crushed　when　they　came　to　her。　Would　she　refuse　me　in　the　same　manner？　Or　had　she　known　all　along　what　had　befallen　me？　Had　she　understood　pletely　all　things　before　the　door　was　ever　opened？
　　　I　rose　slowly　until　I　knelt　at　her　feet　and　I　could　put　my　hand　upon　her　throat；　all　the　while　tensed　for　the　threat　of　Enkil's　arm；　but　it　did　not　e。
　　　I　kissed　her　throat；　feeling　her　plaited　hair　against　me　and　looking　at　her　white　skin　before　me；　and　hearing　only　Bianca's　soft　tears。
　　　〃Don't　cry；　Bianca；〃　I　whispered。
　　　Then　I　sank　my　teeth　suddenly；　viciously；　as　I　had　so　often　done；　and　the　thick　blood　flooded　into　me；　brilliant　and　hot　as　the　lamplight
　　　and　the　light　of　the　candles；　pouring　into　me　as　if　her　heart　were　pumping　it　willingly　into　me；　racing　the　beat　of　my　own　heart。　My　head　grew　light。　My　body　grew　light。
　　　Far　away　Bianca　wept。　Why　was　she　afraid？
　　　I　saw　the　garden。　I　saw　the　garden　I　had　painted　after　I　had　fallen　in　love　with　Botticelli；　and　it　was　filled　with　his　orange　trees　and　with　his　flowers　and　yet　it　was　my　garden；　the　garden　of　my　father's　house　outside　Rome　long　long　ago。　How　could　I　ever　forget　my　own　garden？　How　could　I　ever　forget　the　garden　where　I　had　first　played　as　a　child？
　　　In　memory　I　went　back　to　those　days　in　Rome　when　I　had　been　mortal；　and　there　was　my　garden；　the　garden　of　the　villa　of　my　father；　and　I　was　walking　in　the　soft　grass　and　listening　to　the　sound　of　the　fountain；　and　then　it　seemed　that　all　through　time；　the　garden　changed　but　never　changed；　and　it　was　always　there　for　me。
　　　I　lay　down　on　the　grass；　and　the　branches　of　the　trees　moved　above　me。　I　heard　a　voice　speaking　to　me；　rapidly　and　sweetly；　but　I　didn't　know　what　it　was　saying；　and　then　I　knew　that　Amadeo　was　hurt；　that　he　was　in　the　hands　of　those　who　would　bring　pain　and　evil　to　him；　and　that　I　could　not　go　to　him　now；　I　would　only　stumble　into　their　snares　if　I　did；　and　that　I　must　stay　here。
　　　I　was　the　Keeper　of　the　King　and　the　Queen　as　I　had　told　Bianca；　yes；　the　Keeper　of　the　King　and　the　Queen；　and　I　must　let　Amadeo　go　in　Time；　and　perhaps　were　I　to　do　as　I　should；　perhaps　Pandora　would　be　returned　to　me；　Pandora　who　traveled　the　northern　cities　of　Europe　now；　Pandora　who　had　been　seen。
　　　The　garden　was　verdant　and　fragrant　and　I　saw　Pandora　clearly。　I　saw　her　in　her　soft　white　dress；　her　hair　loose　as　I　had　described　it　to　Bianca。　Pandora　smiled。　She　walked　towards　me。　She　spoke　to　me。　The　Queen　wants　us　to　be　together；　she　said。　Her　eyes　were　large　andwondering　and　I　knew　she　was　very　close　to　me；　very　close；　so　close　that　I　could　almost　touch　her　hand。
　　　I　can't　be　imagining　this；　no；　I　cannot；　I　thought。　And　there　came　back　to　me　again　vividly　the　sound　of　Pandora's　voice；　as　she　quarreled　with　me　on　our　first　night　as　bride　and　groom：　Even　as　this　new　blood　races　through　me　still；　eats　at　me　and　transforms　me；　I　cling　to　neither　reason　nor　superstition　for　my　safety。　I　can　walk　through　a　myth　and　out　of　it！　You　fear　me；　because　you　don't　know　what　I　am。　I　look　like　a　woman；　I　sound　like　a　man；　and　your　reason　tells　you　the　sum　total　is　impossible。
　　　I　was　looking　into　Pandora's　eyes。　She　sat　on　the　garden　bench；　pulling　the　flower　petals　out　of　her　brown　hair；　a　girl　again　in　the　Blood；　a　woman…girl　forever；　as　Bianca　would　be　a　young　woman　forever。
　　　I　reached　out　on　either　side　of　me　and　felt　the　grass　beneath　my　hands。
　　　Suddenly　I　fell　backwards；　out　of　the　dream　garden；　out　of　the　illusion　
　　　　　and　found　myself　lying　quite　still　on　the　floor　of　the　chapel；　between　the　high　bank　of　perfect　candles；　and　the　steps　of　the　dais　where　the　enthroned　couple　kept　their　ancient　place。
　　　Nothing　seemed　changed　about　me。　Even　Bianca's　crying　came　as　before。
　　　〃Be　quiet　now；　darling；〃　I　said　to　her。　But　my　eyes　were　fastened　to　the　face　of　Akasha　above　me；　and　to　her　breasts　beneath　the　golden　silk　of　her　Egyptian　dress。
　　　It　seemed　that　Pandora　had　been　with　me；　that　she　had　been　in　the　very　chapel。　And　the　beauty　of　Pandora　seemed　bound　up　with　the　beauty　and　presence　of　Akasha　in　some　intimate　way　which　I　could　not　understand。
　　　〃What　are　these　portents？〃　I　whispered。　I　sat　up　and　then　rose　to　my　knees。　〃Tell　me；　my　beloved　Queen。　What　are　these　portents？　Did　you　once　bring　Pandora　to　me　because　you　wanted　us　to　be　together？　Do　you　remember　when　Pandora　spoke　those　words　to　me？　〃
　　　I　fell　silent。　But　my　mind　spoke　to　Akasha。　My　mind　pleaded　with　her。　Where　is　Pandora？　Will　you　bring　Pandora　to　me　again？
　　　A　long　interval　passed　and　then　I　rose　to　my　feet。
　　　I　went　round　the　bank　of　candles　and　found　my　precious　panion
　　　　quite　distraught　over　the　simple　wonder　she　had　beheld　of　me　drinking　from　the　immobile　Queen。
　　　〃And　then　you　fell　back；　as　though　you　were　lifeless；〃　she　recounted。　〃And　I　didn't　dare　to　go　to　you；　as　you'd　said　that　I　mustn't　move。〃
　　　I　forted　her。
　　　〃And　then　finally　you　waked；　and　you　spoke　of　Pandora；　and　I　saw　that　you　were　so　。。。　so　much　healed。〃
　　　This　was　true。　I　was　more　robust　all　over；　my　arms　and　legs　thicker；　heavier；　and　my　face　had　more　of　its　natural　contour。　Indeed；　I　was　still　badly　burnt；　but　a　man　of　some　stature　and　seeming　strength　now；　and　indeed　I　could　feel　more　of　the　old　strength　in　my　limbs。
　　　But　it　was　now　only　two　hours　from　dawn；　and　being　quite　unable　to　open　the　door；　and　not　in　any　mood　to　pray　that　Akasha　work　　mon　miracles　for　anyone；　I　knew　I　had　to　give　my　blood　to　Bianca；　and　so　this　is　what　I　did。
　　　Would　it　offend　the　Queen；　that　I；　having　just　drunk　from