el.angeleyes-第51部分

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erything。〃　She　touched　her　finger　to　the　vodka。　〃When　I　was　growing　up；　more　than　anything　else　I　wanted　someone　to　tuck　me　in　at　night；　a　mother　to　sing　me　a　lullaby　that　she　had　learned　at　her　mother's　knee；　a　father　to　tell　me　stories　of　wolves　and　goblins；　elves　and　princes。〃
　Natasha　pushed　her　vodka　away　with　such　violence　that　it　spilled　across　the　table。　〃Leave　it；〃　she　said　when　Irina　moved　to　mop　it　up。　She　sucked　the　liquor　off　her　finger。　〃It's　important　to　know　it's　still　there…like　memory。〃
　There　was　a　murderous　look　in　her　eyes；　and　Irina　was　abruptly　concerned。　Strange！　How　different　people　could　be　from　how　you　imagined　them。　Natasha　had　seemed　so　content　on　Valeri's　arm；　so　in　mand　on　stage。　And　yet　here　she　was；　on　the　verge　of　tears；　admitting　to　being　lonely　and　miserable。　For　a　moment　Irina　forgot　her　own　hate；　a　mask　dropped　away　and　she　leaned　forward。　〃Are　you　all　right？〃
　〃What　makes　you　think　I'm　not？〃　Natasha　snapped。
　〃You　look　as　if　you'd　like　to　kill　someone。〃
　〃That's　interesting；〃　Natasha　said。　〃That's　just　how　you　looked　this　evening　when　you　were　playing　Albee's　Martha。〃
　〃Did　I？〃　Irina　was　shocked。　She　shuddered。　And　she　found　herself　thinking；　My　God；　is　it　possible？　I　came　here　to　bury　this　woman；　and　now　I　believe　that　she　and　I　could　be　friends。　I　believe　that　if　I　told　her　how　I　felt　when　I　was　in　Boston；　she　would　understand。　She　would　understand　how　miserable　I've　bee　here；　and　she　would　not　immediately　report　me　to　the　KGB　for　having　treasonous　thoughts。　Isn't　it　funny　how　despair　can　unite　people？　How　utterly　odd　and　mysterious　life　is　sometimes。　〃I　believe　I'll　have　another　vodka；〃　Irina　said　softly。
　Natasha　nodded。　〃I　think　we　ought　to　make　it　starka　this　time。〃　She　was　speaking　of　the　aged　vodka　that　ran　to　120…proof　and　beyond。
　They　were　on　their　second　glass　of　starka；　still　picking　over　their　zakuski；　when　Natasha　said。　〃The　truth　is；　Katya；　I　watched　you　playing　Martha　tonight；　and　I　saw　myself。　It　was　like　looking　in　a　mirror；　and　being　able　to　peer　backward　through　time。　My　God；　what　a　shock　you　gave　me！　And　I　thought：　I　must　get　to　know　this　woman。　I　have　no　family；　I　have　no　one。　Perhaps；　in　time；　I　will　have　her　to　wele　me　at　Easter。〃
　〃You're　not　married？〃　Irina　asked。　It　was　not　merely　that　she　was　interested；　as　in；　Are　you　married　and　sleeping　with　Valeri？　She　desperately　needed　some　guidepost。　She　was　feeling　increasingly　that　being　near　Natasha　Mayakova　was　like　standing　on　the　edge　of　a　quick…following　sea。　With　each　roll　of　a　wave　onto　the　beach；　the　sand　on　which　she　stood　was　eroded　further　and　further；　and　without　seeming　to　have　moved；　she　was　being　propelled　away　from　shore；　toward　the　blue…green　deep。
　Natasha　smiled。　〃The　trouble　is　I　was　always　far　too　beautiful　for　my　own　good。　I　attracted　men　to　me　like　bees　to　honey。　They　came　at　me；　and　I　was　never　able　to　determine　whether　they　saw　anything　beyond　my　beauty。　My　face；　my　body；　these　are　the　things　they　responded　to。　I　knew　there　was　more　to　me；　but　did　they？　That　was　the　question　I　never　seemed　able　to　answer。〃
　Irina　said；　''But　for　someone　like　you；　with　no　family；　I　would　have　thought　marrying　and　creating　a　family　of　your　own　would　have　been　most　important。''
　〃I　think　it　was　because　I　had　no　family　that　I　had　so　much　trouble　accepting　the　men　who　came　my　way。　You　see；　I　wanted…I　needed…everything　to　be　perfect。　What　if　my　husband　left　me？　What　if　I　felt　pelled　to　leave　him？　I　suppose　the　risk　of　perhaps　repeating　what　my　parents　had　done　paralyzed　me；　made　me　incapable　of　being　happy　or　content　in　a　permanent　relationship。　I　think；　when　it　es　right　down　to　it；　I　have　no　faith　at　all　in　personal　relationships　between　men　and　women。〃
　〃I　have　to　admit　that　I　don't；　either；〃　Irina　said。　〃Men　are　such　bastards。〃
　〃Yet　we　need　them　so　much。〃　Natasha　sighed。　〃I　often　wonder　whether　we　need　them　because　they　are　such　bastards。''　She　laughed；　and　this　time　a　surprised　Irina　joined　her。
　But　then；　like　a　prick　from　a　hidden　needle；　Irina　thought　of　Valeri。　And　her　insistent　memory　dredged　up　the　scene　of　happy；　glowing　Natasha　strolling　down　Gorky　Street　with　him。　After　that　first　time；　Irina　had　watched；　hidden；　as　they　met　once　or　twice　a　week。　Why　was　Natasha　with　him　unless　they　were　having　an　affair？
　And　Irina　thought；　Either　Natasha　is　lying　to　me；　or　Valeri…　powerful；　manipulative　Valeri…has　something　on　her。　Which　was　the　more　likely　possibility？　Irina　did　not　have　to　think　twice　about　it。
　Twice　a　week　Mars　Volkov　emerged　from　his　office；　climbed　into　an　official　black　Chaika；　and　was　driven　out　of　Moscow　to　Zvezdny　Gorodok；　Star　Town。　This　was　the　ultramodern　high…rise　plex　built　to　house　and　train　Russia's　cosmonauts。
　There　was　surely　nothing　odd　in　this　oft…repeated　journey；　since　Mars's　constituency　in　the　Congress　of　People's　Deputies　was　all　of　Moscow；　including　Zvezdny　Gorodok；　and　Star　Town　was　very　important　to　Moscow　in　particular　and　the　Soviet　Union　in　general。
　In　Star　Town；　Mars　did　his　obligatory　movie…star　turn；　charming　everyone：　the　bureaucrats　who　ran　the　mini…city；　the　technicians　who　thought　they　ran　it；　the　theoreticians　who　thought　they　ran　the　technicians；　and　the　cosmonauts　who　inhabited　it。
　All　of　Star　Town's　citizens　were　pleased　to　see　Mars；　save　one；　and　he　was　the　real　reason　that　Mars　made　this　trip　twice　a　week。　It　was　with　him　that　Mars　spent　most　of　his　time。　After　the　glad…handing　of　the　bureaucrats；　the　political　smiles　directed　at　the　technicians；　the　cogent　but　not　too　probing　questions　asked　of　the　theoreticians；　and　the　backslapping　of　the　cosmonauts　in　training；　came　Mars's　real　work。　Interrogation。
　The　Него　of　the　disastrous　Odin…Galaktika　II　mission；　the　first　attempt　at　a　manned　landing　on　Mars；　had　his　own　building　in　Star　Town。　A　city　within　a　city　within　a　city；　it　was　manned　by　its　own　battalion　of　scientists；　theoreticians；　doctors；　lab　technicians；　and　security　personnel。　The　place　was　like　a　fortress；　and　deliberately　so。　First；　because　of　the　wishes　of　the　Hero；　second；　by　order　of　Mars　himself。　Cleaning　up　in　the　aftermath　of　the　Odin…Galaktika　II　mishap　had　been　Mars's　responsibility；　and　it　had　been　no　easy　matter。　In　fact；　twenty　months　after　the　event；　it　was　still　very　much　an　open　case；　an　ongoing…though　highly　secret…investigation。
　The　Hero's　building　was　a　four…story　affair。　The　basement　was　filled　with　generators　that　powered　every　appliance　in　the　structure。　The　first　two　floors　were　given　over　to　laboratories　and　testing　chambers；　where　the　doctors　read　through　reams　of　twice…daily　medical　readouts　on　the　Hero：　heart　rate；　respiration；　EKG；　BEG；　stress；　and　the　like。　The　top　two　floors　were　for　the　Hero's　living；　such　as　it　was。
　As　Mars　went　through　the　elaborate　security　procedures　that　he　himself　had　set　up；　he　considered　that　he　had　been　ing　here　for　more　than　a　year　now；　ever　since　this　building　had　been　erected；　yet　the　Hero　was　still　as　much　of　an　enigma　to　him　as　he　had　been　the　first　day　they　met。　How　this　was　possible；　Mars　could　not　imagine。　It　was　not　that　the　Hero　was　recalcitrant　in　any　way。　He　responded　to　interrogation　with　an　openness；　even　sometimes　an　eagerness；　that　Mars　found　mendable。　And　yet　Mars　still　had　no　idea　what　went　on　inside　the　Hero's　mind；　how　he　felt；　what　he　thought　of　anyone　or　anything。　It　was　as　if　they　had　shot　a　human　being　out　into　space　and　what　had　e　back　to　them　was　some　kind　of　an　alien。
　He　had　been　changed。
　Of　course；　there　was　the　trauma　to　think　of。　Not　only　the　sudden；　heartstopping　death　of　the　man　he　had　trained　with；　lived　with；　lifted　off　with…the　man　who　had　his　life　in　his　hands…but　also　the　shock　of　the　damage　to　the　spacecraft；　the　certain　knowledge　that　the　mission　had　failed；　and　the　nagging　fear　that　he　would　never　get　to　see　Earth　again。　And　then　there　were　the　effects…still　unknown；　still　being　debated　by　the　theoreticians　and　the　scientists…of　the　seepage　of　cosmic　rays　through　the　fault　in　the　Hero's　EVA　suit。
　All　this　had　to　be　taken　into　account　when　one　interviewed　the　Hero；　and　Mars；　with　great　diligence；　did　make　allowances　when　trying　to　decipher　his　responses。　To　no　satisfactory　conclusion。
　〃Where　is　h