rh.theassassinsapprentice-第59部分

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　face；　and　only　when　we　were　through　the　door　did　we　feel　free　to　stagger　and　flee　down　the　staircase。
　　　　　　　I　was　famished；　my　hands　swollen　red　with　the　chill；　and　my　mouth　so　dry　I　couldn't　have　spoken　if　I　had　wished　to。　The　others　seemed　much　the　same；　though　some　had　suffered　more　acutely　than　I。　I　at　least　was　used　to　long　hours；　many　of　them　outdoors。　Merry；　a　year　or　so　older　than　I；　was　accustomed　to　helping　Mistress　Hasty　with　the　weaving。　Her　round　face　was　more　white　than　red　with　the　cold；　and　I　heard　her　whisper　something　to　Serene；　who　took　her　hand　as　we　went　down　the　stairs。　〃It　wouldn't　have　been　so　bad；　if　he　had　paid　any　attention　to　us　at　all；〃　Serene　whispered　back。　And　then　I　had　the　unpleasant　experience　of　seeing　them　both　glance　back　fearfully；　to　see　if　Galen　had　seen　them　speak　to　one　another。
　　　　　　　Dinner　that　night　was　the　most　cheerless　meal　I　had　ever　endured　at　Buckkeep。　There　was　a　cold　porridge　of　boiled　grain；　bread；　water；　and　boiled；　mashed　turnips。　Galen；　not　eating；　presided　over　our　meal。　There　was　no　conversation；　I　don't　think　we　even　looked　at　one　another。　I　ate　my　allotted　portions　and　left　the　table　almost　as　hungry　as　I　had　arrived。
　　　　　　　Halfway　up　the　stairs　I　remembered　Smithy。　I　returned。　to　the　kitchen　to　get　the　bones　and　scraps　Cook　saved　for　me；　and　a　pitcher　of　water　to　refill　his　dish。　They　seemed　an　awful　weight　as　I　climbed　the　stairs。　It　struck　me　as　strange　that　a　day　of　relative　inactivity　out　in　the　cold　had　wearied　me　as　much　as　a　day　of　strenuous　work。
　　　　　　　Once　I　was　inside　my　room；　Smithy's　warm　greeting　and　eager　consumption　of　the　meat　was　like　a　healing　balm。　As　soon　as　he　had　finished　eating；　we　snuggled　into　bed。　He　wanted　to　bite　and　tussle；　but　soon　gave　up　on　me。　I　let　sleep　claim　me。
　　　　　　　And　woke　with　a　jolt　to　darkness；　fearing　that　I　had　slept　too　long。　A　glance　at　the　sky　told　me　I　could　beat　the　sun　to　the　rooftop；　but　just　barely。　No　time　to　wash　myself　or　eat　or　clean　up　after　Smithy；　and　it　was　just　as　well　Galen　had　forbidden　shoes　and　socks；　for　I　had　no　time　to　put　mine　on。　I　was　too　tired　even　to　feel　a　fool　as　I　raced　through　the　keep　and　up　the　stairs　of　the　tower。　I　could　see　others　hurrying　before　me　by　wavering　torchlight；　and　when　I　emerged　from　the　stairwell；　Galen's　quirt　fell　on　my　back。
　　　　　　　It　bit　unexpectedly　sharp　through　my　thin　shirt。　I　cried　out　in　surprise　as　much　as　pain。　〃Stand　like　a　man　and　master　yourself；　bastard；〃　Galen　told　me　harshly；　and　the　quirt　fell　again。　Everyone　else　had　resumed　their　places　of　the　day　before。　They　looked　as　weary　as　I；　and　most；　too；　looked　as　shocked　as　I　felt　by　Galen's　treatment　of　me。　To　this　day　I　don't　know　why；　but　I　went　silently　to　my　place　and　stood　there　facing　Galen。
　　　　　　　〃Whoever　es　last　is　late；　and　will　be　treated　so；〃　he　warned　us。　It　struck　me　as　a　cruel　rule；　for　the　only　way　to　avoid　his　quirt　tomorrow　was　to　arrive　early　enough　to　see　it　fall　on　one　of　my　fellows。
　　　　　　　There　followed　another　day　of　disfort　and　random　abuse。　So　I　see　it　now。　So　I　think　I　knew　it　then；　in　my　heart　of　hearts。　But　ever　he　spoke　of　proving　us　worthy；　of　making　us　tough　and　strong。　He　made　it　an　honor　to　be　standing　out　in　the　cold；　bare　feet　going　numb　against　the　chill　stone。　He　roused　in　us　a　petition；　not　just　against　each　other；　but　against　his　shabby　images　of　us。　〃Prove　me　wrong；〃　he　said　over　and　over。　〃I　beg　you；　prove　me　wrong；　that　I　may　show　the　King　at　least　one　pupil　worthy　of　my　time。〃　And　so　we　tried。　How　strange　now　to　look　back　on　it　all　and　wonder　at　myself。　But　in　the　space　of　one　day；　he　had　succeeded　in　isolating　us　and　plunging　us　into　another　reality；　where　all　rules　of　courtesy　and　mon　sense　were　suspended。　We　stood　silently　in　the　cold；　in　various　unfortable　positions；　eyes　closed；　wearing　little　more　than　our　undergarments。　And　he　walked　among　us；　dealing　out　cuts　from　his　silly　little　whip；　and　insults　from　his　nasty　little　tongue。　He　cuffed　occasionally；　or　shoved；　something　that　is　much　more　painful　when　one　is　chilled　to　the　bone。
　　　　　　　Those　who　flinched　or　wavered　were　accused　of　weakness。　During　the　day　he　berated　us　with　our　unworthiness　and　repeated　that　he　had　only　consented　to　try　to　teach　us　at　the　King's　behest。　The　women　he　ignored；　and　though　he　often　spoke　of　past　Princes　and　Kings　who　had　wielded　the　Skill　in　defense　of　the　realm；　he　never　once　mentioned　the　Queens　and　Princesses　who　had　done　likewise。　Nor　did　he　ever　once　give　us　an　overview　of　what　he　was　attempting　to　teach　us。　There　was　only　the　cold　and　the　disfort　of　his　exercises；　and　the　uncertainty　of　when　we　would　be　struck。　Why　we　struggled　to　endure　it；　I　don't　know。　So　quickly　were　we　all　made　acplices　in　our　own　degradation。
　　　　　　　The　sun　finally　ventured　once　again　toward　the　horizon。　But　Galen　had　saved　two　final　surprises　for　us　that　day。　He　let　us　stand；　open　our　eyes；　and　stretch　freely　for　a　few　moments。　Then　he　gave　us　a　final　lecture；　this　one　to　warn　us　against　those　among　us　who　would　undermine　the　training　of　all　by　foolish　self…indulgences。　He　walked　slowly　among　us　as　he　spoke；　wending　his　way　in　and　out　of　our　rows；　and　I　saw　many　a　rolling　eye　and　intake　of　breath　as　he　passed。　Then；　for　the　first　time　that　day；　he　ventured　over　to　the　women's　corner　of　the　court。
　　　　　　　〃Some；〃　he　cautioned　us　as　he　strolled；　〃think　themselves　above　rules。　They　think　themselves　worthy　of　special　attention　and　indulgences。　Such　illusions　of　superiority　must　be　driven　from　you　before　you　can　learn　anything。　It　is　hardly　worthy　of　my　time　for　me　to　have　to　teach　these　lessons　to　such　laggards　and　dolts　as　need　them。　It　is　a　shame　that　they　have　even　found　their　way　into　our　gathering。　But　they　are　among　us；　and　I　will　honor　the　will　of　my　king；　and　attempt　to　teach　them。　Even　though　there　is　only　one　way　I　know　to　waken　such　lazy　minds。〃
　　　　　　　To　Merry　he　gave　two　quick　cuts　with　the　quirt。　But　Serene　he　shoved　down　onto　one　knee　and　struck　four　times。　To　my　shame；　I　stood　there　with　the　rest；　as　each　cut　fell；　and　hoped　only　that　she　would　not　cry　out　and　bring　more　punishment　on　herself。
　　　　　　　But　Serene　rose；　swayed　once；　and　then　stood　again；　still；　looking　out　over　the　heads　of　the　girls　before　her。　I　breathed　a　sigh　of　relief。　But　then　Galen　was　back；　circling　like　a　shark　around　a　fishing　boat；　speaking　now　of　those　who　thought　themselves　too　good　to　share　the　discipline　of　the　group；　of　ones　who　indulged　in　meat　in　plenty　while　the　rest　limited　ourselves　to　wholesome　grains　and　pure　foods。　I　wondered　uneasily　who　had　been　so　foolish　as　to　visit　the　kitchen　after　hours。
　　　　　　　Then　I　felt　the　hot　lick　of　the　whip　on　my　shoulders。　If　I　had　thought　he　was　using　the　lash　to　his　full　capability　before；　he　proved　me　wrong　now。
　　　　　　　〃You　thought　to　deceive　me。　You　thought　I　would　never　know　if　Cook　saved　her　precious　pet　a　plate　of　tidbits；　didn't　you？　But　I　know　all　that　happens　in　Buckkeep。　Don't　deceive　yourself　about　that。〃
　　　　　　　It　dawned　on　me　that　he　was　speaking　of　the　meat　scraps　I'd　taken　up　to　Smithy。
　　　　　　　〃That　food　wasn't　for　me；〃　I　protested；　and　then　could　have　bitten　my　tongue　out。
　　　　　　　His　eyes　glittered　coldly。　〃You'd　lie　to　save　yourself　a　little　just　pain。　You'll　never　master　the　Skill。　You'll　never　be　worthy　of　it。　But　the　King　has　manded　that　I　try　to　teach；　and　so　I　will　try。　Despite　you　or　your　low　birth。〃
　　　　　　　In　humiliation　I　took　the　welts　he　dealt　me。　He　berated　me　as　each　fell；　telling　the　others　that　the　old　rules　against　teaching　the　Skill　to　a　bastard　had　been　to　prevent　just　such　a　thing　as　this。
　　　　　　　Afterward；　I　stood；　silent　and　shamed；　as　he　went　down　the　rows；　dealing　a　perfunctory　swat　with　the　quirt　to　each　of　my　fellows；　explaining　as　he　did　so　that　we　all　must　pay　for　the　failures　of　the　individuals。　It　did　not　matter　that　this　statement　made　no　sense；　or　that　the　whip　fell　lightly　pared　with　what　Galen　had　just　inflicted　on　me。　It　was　the　idea　that　they　were　all　paying　for　my　transgression。　I　had　never　felt　so　shamed　in　my　life。
　　　　　　　Then　he　released　us；　to　go　down　to　another　cheerless　meal；　much　the　same　as　yesterday's。　This　time　no　one　spoke　on　the　stairs　or　at　the　meal。　And　afterward；　I　went　straight