rh.theassassinsapprentice-第64部分

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kness；　renewed　in　me　the　wonder　I　had　first　felt　when　I'd　plunged　into　Burrich's　world。　Smithy　was　savagely　possessive　of　me　as　well；　challenging　even　Sooty's　right　to　sniff　me；　and　earning　himself　a　snap　from　Vixen　that　sent　him　yipping　and　cowering　to　my　heels。
　　　　　　　I　begged　the　next　day　free　for　myself　and　went　into　Buckkeep　Town。　The　walk　took　me　longer　than　it　had　ever　taken　me　before；　but　Smithy　rejoiced　in　my　slow　pace；　for　it　gave　him　time　to　snuff　his　way　around　every　clump　of　grass　and　tree　on　the　way。　I　had　thought　that　seeing　Molly　would　lift　my　spirits；　and　give　me　some　sense　of　my　own　life　again。　But　when　I　got　to　the　chandlery；　she　was　busy　at　first；　filling　three　large　orders　for　outbound　ships。　I　sat　by　the　hearth　in　the　shop。　Her　father　sat　opposite　me；　drinking　and　glaring　at　me。　Although　his　illness　had　weakened　him；　it　had　not　changed　his　temperament；　and　on　days　when　he　was　well　enough　to　sit　up；　he　was　well　enough　to　drink。　After　a　while　I　gave　up　all　pretense　at　conversation；　and　simply　watched　him　drink　and　disparage　his　daughter　as　Molly　bustled　frantically　about；　trying　to　be　both　efficient　and　hospitable　to　her　customers。　The　dreary　pettiness　of　it　all　depressed　me。
　　　　　　　At　noon　she　told　her　father　she　was　closing　the　shop　while　she　went　to　deliver　an　order。　She　gave　me　a　rack　of　candles　to　carry；　loaded　her　own　arms；　and　we　left；　latching　the　door　behind　us。　Her　father's　drunken　imprecations　followed　us；　but　she　ignored　them。　Once　outside　in　the　brisk　winter　wind；　I　followed　Molly　as　she　walked　quickly　to　the　back　of　the　shop。　Motioning　for　my　silence；　she　opened　the　back　door　and　set　all　that　she　carried　inside。　My　rack　of　candles；　too；　was　unloaded　there；　and　then　we　left。
　　　　　　　For　a　bit　we　just　wandered　through　the　town；　talking　little。　She　mented　on　my　bruised　face；　I　said　only　that　I　had　fallen。　The　wind　was　cold　and　relentless；　so　the　market　stalls　were　near　empty；　of　both　customers　and　vendors。　She　paid　much　attention　to　Smithy；　and　he　reveled　in　it。　On　our　walk　back；　we　stopped　at　a　tea　shop；　and　she　treated　me　to　mulled　wine　and　made　so　much　of　Smithy　that　he　fell　over　on　his　back　and　all　his　thoughts　turned　into　wallowing　in　her　affection。　I　was　struck　suddenly　by　how　clearly　Smithy　was　aware　of　her　feelings；　and　yet　she　did　not　sense　his　at　all；　except　on　the　shallowest　level。　I　quested　gently　toward　her；　but　found　her　elusive　and　drifting　today；　like　a　perfume　that　es　strong　and　then　faint　on　the　same　breath　of　wind。　I　knew　that　I　could　have　pushed　more　insistently　against　her；　but　somehow　it　seemed　pointless。　An　aloneness　settled　on　me；　a　deadly　melancholy　that　she　never　had　been　and　never　would　be　any　more　aware　of　me　than　she　was　of　Smithy。　So　I　took　her　brief　words　to　me　as　a　bird　pecks　at　dry　bread　crumbs　and　let　alone　the　silences　she　curtained　between　us。　Soon　she　said　that　she　could　not　tarry　long；　or　it　would　be　the　worse　for　her；　for　if　her　father　no　longer　had　the　strength　to　strike　her；　he　was　still　capable　of　smashing　his　beer　mug　on　the　floor　or　knocking　over　racks　of　things　to　show　his　displeasure　at　being　neglected。　She　smiled　an　odd　little　smile　as　she　told　me　this；　as　if　it　would　be　less　appalling　if　somehow　we　thought　of　his　behavior　as　amusing。　I　couldn't　smile　and　she　looked　away　from　my　face。
　　　　　　　I　helped　her　with　her　cloak　and　we　left；　walking　uphill　and　into　the　wind。　And　that　suddenly　seemed　a　metaphor　for　my　whole　life。　At　her　door；　she　shocked　me　with　a　hug　and　a　kiss　on　the　corner　of　my　jaw；　the　embrace　so　brief　that　it　was　almost　like　being　bumped　in　the　market。　〃Newboy　。。。〃　she　said；　and　then；　〃Thank　you。　For　understanding。〃
　　　　　　　And　then　she　whisked　into　her　shop　and　shut　the　door　behind　her；　leaving　me　chilled　and　bewildered。　She　thanked　me　for　understanding　her　at　a　time　when　I　had　never　felt　more　isolated　from　her；　and　everyone　else。　All　the　way　up　to　the　keep　Smithy　kept　prattling　to　himself　about　all　the　perfumes　he'd　smelt　on　her　and　how　she　had　scratched　him　just　where　he　could　never　reach　in　front　of　his　ears　and　of　the　sweet　biscuit　she'd　fed　him　in　the　tea　shop。
　　　　　　　It　was　midafternoon　when　we　got　back　to　the　stables。　I　did　a　few　chores　and　then　went　back　up　to　Burrich's　room；　where　Smithy　and　I　fell　asleep。　I　awoke　to　Burrich　standing　over　me；　a　slight　frown　on　his　face。
　　　　　　　〃Up；　and　let's　have　a　look　at　you；〃　he　manded；　and　I　arose　wearily　and　stood　quiet　while　he　went　over　my　injuries　with　deft　hands。　He　was　pleased　with　the　condition　of　my　hand　and　told　me　that　it　might　go　unbandaged　now；　but　to　keep　the　wrapping　about　my　ribs　and　to　e　back　to　have　it　adjusted　each　evening。　〃As　for　the　rest　of　it；　keep　it　clean　and　dry；　and　don't　pick　at　the　scabs。　If　any　of　it　starts　to　fester；　e　and　see　me。〃　He　filled　a　little　pot　with　an　unguent　that　eased　sore　muscles　and　gave　it　to　me；　by　which　I　deduced　that　he　expected　me　to　leave。
　　　　　　　I　stood　holding　the　little　pot　of　medicine。　A　terrible　sadness　welled　up　in　me；　and　yet　I　could　find　no　words　to　say。　Burrich　looked　at　me；　scowled；　and　turned　away。　〃Now　stop　that；〃　he　manded　me　angrily。
　　　　　　　〃What？〃　I　asked。
　　　　　　　〃You　look　at　me　sometimes　with　my　lord's　eyes；〃　he　said　quietly；　and　then　as　sharply　as　before；　〃Well；　what　did　you　think　to　do？　Hide　in　the　stables　the　rest　of　your　life？　No。　You　have　to　go　back。　You　have　to　go　back　and　hold　up　your　head　and　eat　your　meals　among　the　keep　folk；　and　sleep　in　your　own　room；　and　live　your　own　life。　Yes；　and　go　finish　those　damn　lessons　in　the　Skill。〃
　　　　　　　His　first　mands　had　sounded　difficult；　but　the　last；　I　knew；　was　impossible。
　　　　　　　〃I　can't；〃　I　said；　not　believing　how　stupid　he　was。　〃Galen　wouldn't　let　me　e　back　to　the　group。　And　even　if　he　did；　I'd　never　catch　up　on　all　I've　missed。　I've　already　failed　at　it；　Burrich。　I　failed　and　that's　done；　and　I　need　to　find　something　else　to　do　with　myself。　I'd　like　to　learn　the　hawks；　please。〃　The　last　I　heard　myself　say　with　some　amazement；　for　in　truth　it　had　never　crossed　my　mind　before。　Burrich's　reply　was　at　least　as　strange。
　　　　　　　〃You　can't；　for　the　hawks　don't　like　you。　You're　too　warm　and　you　don't　mind　your　own　business　enough。　Now　listen　to　me。　You　didn't　fail；　you　fool。　Galen　tried　to　drive　you　away。　If　you　don't　go　back；　you'll　have　let　him　win。　You　have　to　go　back　and　you　have　to　learn　it。　But〃…and　here　he　turned　on　me；　and　the　anger　in　his　eyes　was　for　me…〃you　don't　have　to　stand　there　like　a　carter's　mule　while　he　beats　you。　You've　a　birthright　to　his　time　and　his　knowledge。　Make　him　give　you　what　is　yours。　Don't　run　away。　No　one　ever　gained　anything　by　running　away。〃　He　paused；　started　to　say　more；　and　then　stopped。
　　　　　　　〃I've　missed　too　many　lessons。　I'll　never…〃
　　　　　　　〃You　haven't　missed　anything；〃　Burrich　said　stubbornly。　He　turned　away　from　me；　and　I　couldn't　read　his　tone　as　he　added；　〃There　have　been　no　lessons　since　you　left。　You　should　be　able　to　pick　up　just　where　you　left　off。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　don't　want　to　go　back。〃
　　　　　　　〃Don't　waste　my　time　by　arguing　with　me；〃　he　said　tightly。　〃Don't　dare　to　try　my　patience　that　way。　I've　told　you　what　you　are　to　do。　Do　it。〃
　　　　　　　Suddenly　I　was　six　years　old　again；　and　a　man　in　a　kitchen　backed　up　a　crowd　with　a　look。　I　shivered；　cowed。　Abruptly；　it　was　easier　to　face　Galen　than　to　defy　Burrich。　Even　when　he　added；　〃And　you'll　leave　that　pup　with　me　until　your　lessons　are　done。　Being　shut　up　inside　your　room　all　day　is　no　life　for　a　dog。　His　coat　will　go　bad　and　his　muscles　won't　grow　properly。　But　you'd　better　be　down　here　each　evening；　to　see　to　both　him　and　Sooty；　or　you'll　answer　to　me。　And　I　don't　give　a　damn　what　Galen　says　about　that；　either。〃
　　　　　　　And　so　I　was　dismissed。　I　conveyed　to　Smithy　that　he　was　to　stay　with　Burrich；　and　he　accepted　it　with　an　equanimity　that　surprised　me　as　much　as　it　hurt　my　feelings。　Dispirited；　I　took　my　pot　of　unguent　and　plodded　back　up　to　the　keep。　I　took　food　from　the　kitchen；　for　I　had　no　heart　to　face　anyone　at　table　and　went　up　to　my　room。　It　was　cold　and　dark；　no　fire　in　the　hearth；　no　candles　in　the　sticks；　and　the　fouled　reeds　underfoot　stank。　I　fetched　candles　and　wood；　set　a　fire；　and　while　I　was　waiting　for　it　to　take　some　of　the　chill　off　the　stone　walls　and　floor