gns.throwback-第13部分

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　　And　Sylvia　seemed　to　lose　her　enthusiasm　for　the　way…out　scene　too。　Just　like　that；　a　marital　screw　at　weekends　but　she　didn't　even　try　to　lure　Eric　into　anything　else。　He　even　got　to　thinking　that　she'd　had　her　wild　fling　and　had　decided　to　resign　herself　to　the　dull　routine　of　a　straightforward　marriage　even　though　they　were　apart　five　nights　of　most　weeks。
　　
　　Then　rumours　trickled　back；　a　muddled　jigsaw　that　needed　a　lot　of　piecing　together。　In　remote　rural　areas；　it　was　true；　the　last　person　to　hear　stories　concerning　one's　wife　is　oneself。
　　
　　It　was　that　nut　up　at　the　organic　farm　who　was　shagging　Sylvia。　It　figured。　It　was　funny　how　Eric　experienced　a　pang　of　jealousy　the　first　time　he　found　out　for　sure。　If　it　had　been　Al　or　George　it　wouldn't　have　mattered。　They　were　ordinary　guys　who　just　wanted　a　fuck；　nothing　more；　a　thrill　to　boost　their　own　marriages　the　same　way　that　Eric　needed　one　now。　It　ended　when　you　came；　as　simple　as　that。　But　this　fellow　was　different。　His　wife　was　a　flighty　bit　of　stuff；　if　all　the　stories　about　her　were　true；　going　off　on　her　own　at　nights　to　nightclubs　and　doubtless　getting　herself　shafted。　The　ice　was　dangerously　thin　in　that　quarter。
　　
　　Jon　Quinn　needed　more　than　sex；　he　needed　to　fill　a　gap；　panionship。　And　that　could　be　dangerous。　The　guy　was　one　of　these　food…freaks　who　thought　everybody　else　should　be　also；　so　he　was　marketing　organic　produce　and　preaching　that　chemicals　were　poisoning　half　the　population　of　the　world。
　　
　　Then　Sylvia　had　started　dishing　up　these　funny　meals　at　weekends；　no　longer　proper　salads　with　lettuce；　tomato　and　cucumber；　but　all　sorts　of　fruit　mixed　up　with　nuts。　Just　weaning　her　husband　on　to　nuts。　A　nut…roast　next。　Jesus；　she　was　really　going　nuts！
　　
　　Gradually　Eric　Atkinson　was　aware　of　his　marriage　slipping　away　from　him；　an　erosion　that　revealed　itself　in　a　number　of　ways。　Sylvia's　personality　was　changing；　being　morose。　Because　her　mind　was　on　Jon　Quinn。　When　she　prepared　a　vegetarian　meal　it　was　for　him；　not　Eric；　regardless　of　who　ate　it　or　slyly　tipped　it　into　the　waste…bin。
　　
　　Eric　had　wondered　what　to　do　about　it。　Should　he　tackle　her　outright？　No；　she　might　lie　to　him　and　whatever　else　she　had　done　she　had　never　lied。　If　she　did　that　then　he　would　lose　his　respect　for　her　and　then　it　would　al！　be　over。　That　he　didn't　want；　oh　Christ　Almighty　no。　A　sudden　realisation；　in　spite　of　it　all　he　loved　Sylvia。　God　yes；　and　he　missed　her　like　hell。　Which　was　why　he　had　other　women　whilst　he　was　away　from　home。　Substitutes；　each　and　every　one　of　them　was　a　Sylvia。
　　
　　So　he　had　let　her　carry　on　with　Jon　Quinn；　afraid　to　detonate　the　affair　into　something　he　couldn't　handle。　Each　weekend　he　went　home　with　the　same　nagging　fear；　his　mouth　dry；　his　guts　in　knots。　I'm　sorry；　Eric；　I'm　leaving。　Really；　I'm　sorry；　please　believe　me；　but　I　need　a　husband　not　just　a　weekend　lover。　Or　maybe　just　a　note　left　on　the　mantelshelf；　the　easy　way　out。
　　
　　But　it　hadn't　happened　and　he　had　e　to　the　decision　that　just　by　letting　the　affair　continue；　it　wouldn't。　It　might　go　on　for　years。　Basically　it　boiled　down　to　this　bloody　job。　Reps　were　married　to　their　firms。　You　gave　them　everything　or　else　you　were　out　on　your　ear。　They　bought　your　marriage；　your　life；　months　and　years　which　you　could　never　retrieve；　all　for　a　pittance　of　a　salary　offset　by　reasonable　expenses。
　　
　　So　he　let　it　go；　just　like　that。　Every　weekend　he　came　home　to　an　organic　diet　that　had　a　distinct　Quinn　flavour　about　it；　got　a　thrill　out　of　screwing　Sylvia　in　the　same　way　that　he　had　that　night　when　Al　had　first　had　her；　and　it　would　be　this　way　until　he　retired　at　65。　Fuck　the　firm；　they　didn't　even　offer　him　a　redundancy　when　they　had　drastic　cut…backs　three　years　ago。　No　golden　handshake　for　him。　Maybe　it　was　as　well；　though；　because　if　he　fouled　up　Sylvia's　little　game　she　might　take　off　and　go　and　live　with　Quinn。　Don't　poke　the　sleeping　lion；　as　the　saying　went。
　　
　　Marlene　was　the　nearest　he'd　found　to　Sylvia　yet。　Sophisticated；　sexy；　her　husband　was　an　'area　manager'；　an　up…market　rep。　He　sometimes　stayed　away　weekends　too；　it　was　a　vicious　circle；　they　were　all　on　the　same　roundabout。　Sometimes　you　lose；　sometimes　you　win。　You　paid　your　money　and　gambled　your　luck。
　　
　　She　wore　a　long　evening　gown　tonight　that　showed　off　every　curve；　didn't　leave　you　with　much　to　guess；　the　kind　that　gave　you　a　hard…on　under　the　table　and　you　hoped　that　the　other　diners　thought　she　was　your　wife。　She　was　class　and　she　gave　you　class。　Yet　tonight　she　was　strangely　sombre；　long　periods　when　she　concentrated　on　her　food　and　didn't　speak　at　all。　There　was　definitely　something　on　her　mind　but　he　knew　her　well　enough　to　know　that　if　she　wanted　to　tell　him　she　would　do　so　in　her　own　good　time。　If　she　didn't　want　to；　she　wouldn't。　You　knew　where　you　stood　with　Marlene；　no　bullshit。　That　pensated　for　a　lot。
　　
　　She　played　with　the　stem　of　her　wine…glass；　regarded　him　thoughtfully。　Shall　I　tell　him　or　not？　Decision　time。　Finally　she　decided　to　tell　him。
　　
　　'Joey's　left　me。'　She　said　it　just　like　that。　She　might　have　said　Tm　going　to　mow　the　front　lawn　tomorrow。'
　　
　　'Oh！'　For　once　he　felt　incredibly　stupid。　His　vision　swam；　something　clutched　at　his　heart　and　stopped　it　for　a　second；　restarted　it　almost　immediately。　Tm　sorry。'　He　didn't　know　whether　he　was　or　not；　if　he　was；　he　was　sorry　for　himself。
　　
　　'He's　had　a　woman　down　in　Lampeter　for　a　long　time。'　She　talked　easier　now　that　she　had　made　her　decision。　'I　knew　about　it；　of　course；　but　there　was　nothing　I　could　do　about　it　even　if　I'd　wanted　to。　I　just　let　things　take　their　course；　it's　often　the　best　way　because　they　generally　work　out。　I'm　not　sorry　because　our　marriage　as　such　was　finished　three　years　ago。　Divorces　are　easy；　don't　take　long　these　days；　but　I　guess　right　now　I'm　a　free　woman；　Eric。1　The　bail's　in　your　court。
　　
　　Suddenly　his　Kentucky　fried　chicken　tasted　sour；　the　dry　white　wine　so　bitter　that　he　grimaced。　Sylvia；　darling；　I　love　you。　This　is　only　a　game　like　yours。　Our　marriage　isn't　over；　it's　just　gone　into　a　recession　like　everything　else　in　this　damned　crazy　world。　Given　time　it'll　e　back。　It　has　to。
　　
　　'Oh；　I　see。'　He　did；　only　too　well。　'What　。　。　。　what　are　your　plans　then？'　Don't　answer　that　because　I　don't　want　to　hear；　I　don't　want　to　jettison　my　fantasies。　I　don't　want　reality。
　　
　　'Do　you　really　need　to　ask？'　The　twin　candlelight　had　her　dark　eyes　glistening　and　because　he　couldn't　meet　her　gaze　he　found　himself　looking　down　at　her　cleavage。　Small　perfectly　shaped　breasts　that　had　never　been　suckled　by　a　babe；　just　himself。　And　others。　But　he　topped　the　poll　at　the　moment。
　　
　　'No；　I　suppose　I　don't。'　He　tried　to　laugh　but　it　came　out　wrong。　False。
　　
　　'That's　fine　then。'　She　didn't　appear　to　notice。　Tve　been　married　to　a　right　bastard　for　more　years　than　I　care　to　remember　and　you've　been　hitched　to　a　bitch　who　goes　and　screws　with　any　guy　who　gives　her　the　eye。'
　　
　　He　felt　himself　cringe；　wanted　to　leap　to　his　feet　and　yell；　'No；　she's　not　like　that　at　all。　It's　me。　I've　screwed　another　bird　already　this　week。　That's　all　I'm　after。　Sex。　I　don't　want　a　permanent　relationship　with　any　woman　except　my　wife。1　But　he　didn't　because　he　was　too　scared。
　　
　　'You've　told　me　often　enough　that　you're　in　love　with　me；'　she　went　on。　'Well；　I'm　in　love　with　you　too；　Eric；　and　at　last　it　looks　like　we'll　be　able　to　share　each　other　for　ever　instead　of　continuing　with　this　nerve…racking　affair；　wondering　ail　the　time　if　somebody　who　knows　us　will　see　us。'
　　
　　'Yes；　it'll　be　nice；'　he　said　politely。　'For　both　of　us。　I'll　talk　to　Sylvia　about　it　this　weekend。'
　　
　　'Will　you；　really？'　Euphoric　relief　in　her　tone；　her　slim　fingers　ing　across　the　table　in　search　of　his。　'I　knew　I　hadn't　made　a　mistake　about　you；　Eric。　I　confess　that　at　one　time　I　thought　that　maybe　I　was　just　your　once…a…week　woman；　a　bit　on　the　side　and　then　shelved　for　another　week。　I　know　now　that　I　was　wrong。　Let's　treat　tonight　as　a　celebration　because　everything's　working　out。　When　we　go　upstairs　toni