new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第89部分
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〃All three of them。〃 But I frowned。
This was always the hardest part。 Charlie； Renee。 Now Jacob； too。 The people I
would lose； the people
I would hurt。 I wished there was some way that I could be the only one to
suffer； but I knew that was
impossible。
At the same time； I was hurting them more by staying human。 Putting Charlie in
constant danger through
my proximity。 Putting Jake in worse danger still by drawing his enemies across
the land he felt bound to
protect。 And Renee—I couldn't even risk a visit to see my own mother for fear
of bringing my deadly
problems along with me！
I was a danger magnet； I'd accepted that about myself。
Accepting this； I knew I needed to be able to take care of myself and protect
the ones I loved； even if
that meant that I couldn't be with them。 I needed to be strong。
〃In the interest of remaining inconspicuous；〃 Edward said； still talking
through his gritted teeth； but
looking at Carlisle now； 〃I suggest that we put this conversation off； at the
very least until Bella finishes
high school； and moves out of Charlie's house。〃
〃That's a reasonable request； Bella；〃 Carlisle pointed out。
I thought about Charlie's reaction when he woke up this morning； if—after all
that life had put him through
in the last week with Harry's loss； and then I had put him through with my
unexplained
disappearance—he were to find my bed empty。 Charlie deserved better than
that。 It was just a little more
time； graduation wasn't so far away
I pursed my lips。 〃I'll consider it。〃
Edward relaxed。 His jaw unclenched。
〃I should probably take you home；〃 he said； more calm now； but clearly in a
hurry to get me out of here。
〃Just in case Charlie wakes up early。〃
I looked at Carlisle。 〃After graduation？〃
〃You have my word。〃
I took a deep breath； smiled； and turned back to Edward。 〃Okay。 You can take
me home。〃
Edward rushed me out of the house before Carlisle could promise me anything
else。 He took me out the
back； so I didn't get to see what was broken in the living room。
It was a quiet trip home。 I was feeling triumphant； and a little smug。 Scared
stiff； too； of course； but I tried
not to think about that part。 It did me no good to worry about the pain—the
physical or the
emotional—so I wouldn't。 Not until I absolutely had to。
When we got to my house； Edward didn't pause。 He dashed up the wall and
through my window in half a
second。 Then he pulled my arms frcm around his neck and set me on the bed。
I thought I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking； but his expression
surprised me。 Instead of
furious； it was calculating。 He paced silently back and forth across my dark
room while I watched with
growing suspicion。
〃Whatever you're planning； it's not going to work；〃 I told him。
〃Shh。 I'm thinking。〃
〃Ugh；〃 I groaned； throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over
my head。
There was no sound； but suddenly he was there。 He flipped the cover back so he
could see me。 He was
lying next to me。 His hand reached up to brush my hair from my cheek。
〃If you don't mind； I'd much rather you didn't hide your face。 I've lived
without it for as long as I can
stand。 Now tell me something。〃
〃What？〃 I asked； unwilling。
〃If you could have anything in the world； anything at all； what would it be？〃
I could feel the skepticism in my eyes。 〃You。〃
He shook his head impatiently。 〃Something you don't already have。〃
I wasn't sure where he was trying to lead me； so I thought carefully before I
answered。 I came up with
something that was both true； and also probably impossible。
〃I would want Carlisle not to have to do it。 I would want you to change me。〃
I watched his reaction warily； expecting more of the fury I'd seen at his
house。 I was surprised that his
expression didn't change。 It was still calculating； thoughtful。
〃What would you be willing to trade for that？〃
I couldn't believe my ears。 I gawked at his posed face and blurted out the
answer before I could
think about it。
〃Anything。〃
He smiled faintly； and then pursed his lips。 〃Five years？〃
My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror。
〃You said anything；〃 he reminded me。
〃Yes； but you'll use the time to find a way out of it。 I have to strike
while the iron is hot。 Besides； it's
just too dangerous to be human—for me； at least。 So； anything but that。〃
He frowned。 〃Three years？〃
〃No！〃
〃Isn't it worth anyrhing to you at all？ 〃
I thought about how much I wanted this。 Better to keep a poker face； I
decided； and not let him know
how very much that was。 It would give me more leverage。 〃Six months？〃
He rolled his eyes。 〃Not good enough。〃
〃One year； then；〃 I said。 〃That's my limit。〃
〃At least give me two。〃
〃No way。 Nineteen I'll do。 But I'm not going anywhere near twenty。 If you're
staying in your teens
forever； then so am I。〃
He thought for a minute。 〃All right。 Forget time limits。 If you want me to be
the one—then you'll just have
to meet one condition。〃
〃Condition？〃 My voice went flat。 〃What condition？〃
His eyes were cautious—he spoke slowly。 〃Marry me first。〃
I stared at him； waiting 〃Okay。 What's the punch line？〃
He sighed。 〃You're wounding my ego； Bella。 I just proposed to you； and you
think it's a joke。〃
〃Edward； please be serious。〃
〃I am one hundred percent serious。〃 He gazed at me with no hint of humor in
his face。
〃Oh； c'mon；〃 I said； an edge of hysteria in my voice。 〃I'm only eighteen。〃
〃Well； I'm nearly a hundred and ten。 It's time I settled down。〃
I looked away； out the dark window； trying to control the panic before it gave
me away。
〃Look； marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities； you know？ It
was sort of the kiss of death
for Renee and Charlie。〃
〃Interesting choice of words。〃
〃You know what I mean。〃
He inhaled deeply。 〃Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the
mitment；〃 his voice was disbelieving；
and I understood what he meant。
〃That's not it exactly；〃 I hedged。 〃I'm afraid of Renee。 She has some really
intense opinions on getting
married before you're thirty。〃
〃Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married。〃
He laughed darkly。
〃You think you're joking。〃
〃Bella； if you pare the level of mitment between a marital union as
opposed to bartering your soul
in exchange for an eternity as a vampire〃 He shook his head。 〃If you're not
brave enough to marry me；
then—〃
〃Well；〃 I interrupted。 〃What if I did？ What if I told you to take me to Vegas
now？ Would I be a vampire
in three days？〃
He smiled； his teeth flashing in the dark。 〃Sure；〃 he said； calling my bluff。
〃I'll get my car。〃
〃Dammit。〃 I muttered。 〃I'll give you eighteen months。〃
〃No deal；〃 he said； grinning。 〃I like this condition。〃
〃Fine。 I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate。〃
〃If that's what you really want。〃 He shrugged； and his smile became absolutely
angelic。
〃You're impossible；〃 I groaned。 〃A monster。〃
He chuckled。 〃Is that why you won't marry me？〃
I groaned again。
He leaned toward me； his night…dark eyes melted and smoldered and shattered my
concentration。 〃
Please； Bella？〃 he breathed。
I forgot how to breathe for a moment。 When I recovered； I shook my head
quickly； trying to clear my
suddenly clouded mind。
〃Would this have gone better if I d had time to get a ring。'〃
〃No！ No rings！〃 I very nearly snouted。
〃Now you've done it；〃 he whispered。
〃Oops。〃
〃Charlie's getting up； I'd better leave；〃 Edward said with resignation。
My heart stopped beating。
He gauged my expression for a second。 〃Would it be childish of me to hide in
your closet； then？〃
〃No；〃 I whispered eagerly。 〃Stay。 Please。〃
Edward smiled and disappeared。
I seethed in the darkness as I waited for Charlie to check on me。 Edward knew
exactly what he was
doing； and I was willing to bet that all the injured surprise was part of the
ploy。 Of course； I still had the
Carlisle option； but now that I knew there was a chance that Edward would
change me himself； I wanted
it bad。 He was such a cheater。
My door cracked open。
〃Morning； Dad。〃
〃Oh； hey； Bella。〃 He sounded e
