the stainless steel rat-第24部分

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ention　of　leaving　as　I　had　of　calling　the　law。　I　was　out　the　door　long　before　any　of　them　had　made　their　minds　up　as　to　just　what　was　going　on。
　　　　　Of　course　I　couldn't　run　and　draw　any　attention　to　myself。　Getting　back　to　the　hotel　at　a　fast　walk　was　the　best　I　could　do；　but　I　was　sweating　all　over　from　the　tension。　Inside　the　room　the　first　thing　I　saw　was　the　container　on　the　table；　with　the　needle　wrapped　in　cloth　beside　it。　My　hands　didn't　shake；　but　they　would　have　if　I　had　let　them。　This　was　a　very　close　thing。
　　　　　Collapsed　in　a　chair　afterwards　I　held　up　the　jar　and　saw　that　there　was　less　than　a　millimeter　of　juice　left。　The　very　next　thing　on　the　agenda　was　the　necessity　of　laying　in　a　supply　of　the　stuff。　I　could　remember　the　formula　clearly　and　would　have　no　trouble　rebuilding　it。　Of　course　there　would　be　no　drug　suppliers　open　at　this　time　of　night；　but　that　made　things　a　lot　easier。　There　is　a　law　of　history　that　says　weapons　were　invented　before　money。　In　my　suitcase　was　a　recoilless　。75　that　could　get　me　more　of　the　galaxy's　goods　than　all　of　the　money　in　existence。
　　　　　That　was　my　mistake。　Some　nagging　worry　gnawed　me　then　but　I　ignored　it。　The　tension　and　then　the　relief　after　getting　the　shot　had　me　all　loosened　up。　On　top　of　that　was　the　need　to　hurry；　the　limited　time　I　had　to　find　what　I　needed　and　get　it　back　to　the　hotel　room。　My　thoughts　were　on　the　job　and　how　best　to　do　it　as　I　unlocked　the　suitcase　and　reached　for　my　gun　lying　right　there　on　top　of　the　clothes。　At　this　point　the　thin　voice　in　my　memory　was　screaming　inaudibly　to　me；　but　this　only　made　me　reach　faster　for　the　gun。　Something　was　badly　wrong　and　this　was　the　thing　that　would　fix　it。　As　I　grabbed　the　butt　the　memory　broke　through　。　。　。　just　a　little　bit　too　slow。
　　　　　Dropping　the　gun　I　dived　for　the　door；　too　late　by　far。　Behind　me　I　heard　a　pop　as　the　sleep…gas　grenade　I　had　put　under　the　gun　let　go。　Even　as　I　fell　forward　into　darkness　I　wondered　how　I　could　ever　have　possibly　done　such　a　stupid　thing　as　that　。　。　。
　Chapter　14
　
　　　　　ing　out　of　the　gas；　my　first　feeling　was　one　of　regret。　It　is　a　truism　that　the　workings　of　the　mind　are　a　source　of　constant　astonishment。　The　effects　of　my　devil's　brew　had　worn　off。　There　was　nothing　wrong　with　my　memory；　now　that　the　posthypnotic　blocks　I　had　put　on　it　had　been　removed。　All　too　vividly　I　could　recall　the　details　of　my　interlude　of　madness。　Though　I　sickened　at　the　things　I　had　thought　and　done；　I　simultaneously　felt　a　twinge　of　regret　that　could　not　be　abolished。　There　had　been　terrible　freedom　in　standing　so　alone　that　even　the　lives　of　other　men　meant　less　than　nothing。　Undoubtedly　a　warped　sensation；　but　still　a　tremendously　attractive　one。　Like　taking　drugs。　Even　while　detesting　the　thought　I　felt　the　desire　for　more　of　the　same。
　　　　　In　spite　of　my　twelve　hours　of　forced　sleep　I　was　exhausted。　It　took　all　of　my　energy　to　drag　over　to　the　bed　and　collapse　on　it。　Foresight　had　provided　a　bottle　of　stimulating　spirits　and　I　poured　a　glassful。　Sipping　at　this　I　tried　to　put　my　mental　house　in　order；　not　a　very　easy　task。　I　have　read　many　times　about　the　cesspool　of　dark　desires　that　lies　in　our　subconscious　minds；　but　this　was　the　first　time　I　had　ever　had　mine　stirred　up。　It　was　quite　revealing　to　examine　some　of　the　things　that　had　floated　to　the　surface。
　　　　　My　attitude　towards　Angelina　needed　a　good　looking　at。　The　most　important　fact　I　had　to　face　was　the　strong　attraction　I　felt　for　her。　Love？　Put　any　name　to　it　you　wantI　suppose　love　will　do　as　well　as　any；　though　this　was　no　throbbing　adolescent　passion。　I　wasn't　blind　to　her　faults；　in　fact　I　rather　detested　them　now　that　I　knew　her　murderously　amoral　existence　had　an　echo　in　my　own　mind。　But　logic　and　convictions　have　very　little　to　do　with　emotions。　Hating　this　side　of　her　didn't　remove　the　attraction　of　a　personality　so　similar　to　my　own。　I　echoed　my　psychotic　self's　attitudewhat　a　team　we　might　have　made！　This　was　of　course　impossible；　but　that　didn't　stop　me　from　wanting　it。　Love　and　hate　are　reputed　to　be　very　close　and　in　my　case　they　were　certainly　rubbing　shoulders。　And　the　whole　confused　business　wasn't　helped　in　the　slightest　by　the　fact　that　Angelina　was　so　damnably　attractive。　I　took　a　long　drag　at　my　drink。
　　　　　Finding　her　should　be　easy　now。　The　carelessness　with　which　I　took　this　for　granted　was　a　little　shocking。　I　had　gained　no　new　information　while　mentally　aberrant。　Just　a　great　chunk　of　insight　into　the　tortured　grooves　that　my　Angelina's　mind　trundled　along。　There　could　be　no　doubt　that　raw　power　was　what　she　desired。　This　couldn't　be　obtained　through　influencing　the　king；　I　saw　this　now。　Violence　was　the　way；　a　power　putsch；　perhaps　assassination；　certainly　revolution　and　turmoil　of　some　kind。　This　had　been　the　pattern　in　the　bad　old　days　on　Freibur　when　sovereignty　had　been　the　prize　of　battle。　Any　of　the　nobility　could　be　crowned；　and　whenever　the　old　king's　grip　weakened　it　was　a　cue　for　a　power　struggle　that　would　produce　the　new　monarch。　Of　course　that　sort　of　thing　had　stopped　as　soon　as　the　societies　specialists　from　the　League　worked　their　little　tricks。
　　　　　The　old　days　were　on　the　way　backthat　was　clear。　Angelina　was　going　to　see　this　world　bathed　in　blood　and　death　to　satisfy　her　own　ambition。　She　was　out　there　nowsomewheregrooming　the　man　for　the　job。　One　of　the　counts；　still　very　important　in　the　semi…feudal　economy；　was　having　his　ego　inflated　and　guided　by　a　new　power　behind　the　throne。　This　is　the　pattern　Angelina　had　used　before；　and　would　be　sure　to　use　again。　There　could　be　no　doubt。　
　　　　　Only　one　small　factor　was　missing。　Who　was　the　man？
　　　　　My　dive　into　the　depths　of　self…analysis　had　left　a　definitely　unwholesome　taste　in　my　mouth　that　no　amount　of　liquor　could　wash　away。　What　I　needed　was　a　little　touch　of　action　to　tone　up　my　drooping　nerve　aids　and　accelerate　my　sluggish　blood。　Tracking　down　Angelina's　front　man　would　be　just　the　charge　my　battery　needed。　Merely　thinking　about　it　helped；　and　it　was　with　eagerness　that　I　searched　the　newspaper　for　the　Court　News　column。　There　was　a　Grand　Ball　just　two　days　distant；　the　perfect　cover　for　this　operation。
　　　　　For　these　two　days　I　was　kept　busy　on　the　many　small　tasks　that　put　the　polish　of　perfection　on　a　job　like　this。　Any　boob　can　crash　a　party；　in　fact　usually　does；　since　that　is　all　one　seems　to　meet　at　this　kind　of　affair。　It　takes　a　unique　talent　like　mine　to　construct　a　cover　personality　that　is　unshakeable。　Research　supplied　me　with　a　homeland；　a　distant　province　poor　in　everything　except　a　thick　dialect　that　provided　the　base　for　most　Freibur　jokes。　Because　of　these　inherent　handicaps　the　populace　of　Misteldross　was　noted　for　its　pugnacity　and　general　bullheadedness。　There　were　minor　nobility　there　who　no　one　took　much　notice　of；　or　kept　any　records　about；　enabling　me　to　adopt　the　cover　of　Grav　Bent　Diebstall。　The　family　name　meant　either　bandit　or　tax…gatherer　in　the　local　dialect；　which　gives　you　an　idea　of　the　kind　of　economy　they　had　had；　as　well　as　the　source　of　the　family　title。　A　military　tailor　cut　me　a　dress　uniform　and　while　I　was　being　fined　I　memorized　great　chunks　of　the　family　history　to　bore　people　with。　I　saw　where　I　could　be　the　life　of　any　party。
　　　　　Another　thing　I　did　was　to　send　off　a　thick　wad　of　money　to　the　maimed　bartender；　who　was　now　working　with　the　handicap　of　having　his　arm　in　a　cast。　He　really　had　short…changed　me；　but　his　suffering　was　entirely　out　of　proportion　to　this　minor　crime。　My　anonymous　gift　was　strictly　conscience　money　and　I　felt　much　better　after　having　done　it。
　　　　　A　moonlight　visit　to　the　royal　printers　supplied　an　invitation　to　the　party。　My　uniform　fitted　like　a　sausage　skin；　my　boots　gleamed　enthusiastically　and　I　was　one　of　the　first　guests　to　arrive　since　the　royal　table　had　a　tremendous　reputation　and　work　had　increased　my　appetite。　I　crashed　and　clattered　wonderfully　when　I　bowed　to　the　Kingspurs　and　sword；　they　go　all　the　way　with　the　archaic　nonsense　on　Freiburand　looked　at　him　closely　while　he　mumbled　something　inaudible。　His　eyes　were　glassy　and　unfocused　and　I　realized　there　was　some　truth　in　the　rumor　that　he　always　got　stoned