el.angeleyes-第139部分

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　〃They　were　none　of　your　business。〃　He　looked　at　her。　〃Oh；　don't　look　like　that。　I　'd　say　the　same　thing　to　your　mother　if　she　ever　asked。　Which　she　never　has。〃
　〃But　she　was　involved　with　the　scheme　that　you　and　Bernard…〃
　''Bernard　talked　to　her　independently。　As　a　woman　of　means；　your　mother　has　always　made　her　own　business　decisions。　She's　good　at　it　and；　anyway；　it　saves　wear　and　tear　on　the　both　of　us。〃
　〃How　exactly　did　Bernard　rope　you　into　paying　for　these　MANDs？　He　told　you　about　Greg；　right？〃
　〃Well；　first　of　all；　Bernard　didn't　rope　your　mother　and　me　into　anything。　We　both　went　into　this　with　our　eyes　wide　open。　He　outlined　the　risks。〃
　Tori　again　heard　Bernard　Godwin's　voice　saying。　No　matter　what　we　bee　involved　in；　we　would　never　be　brought　before　a　court　of　law。
　〃Some　risks；〃　she　said。
　Ellis　Nunn　stopped；　turned　toward　her。　〃I　meant　the　risks　to　Greg　and　you；　not　to　your　mother　or　myself。''
　〃Oh。〃　Tori　did　not　know　what　to　say。
　They　continued　their　walk。　They　strolled　beneath　the　pergola；　losing　themselves　in　the　blooms　and　vines　of　high　summer。　Tori　thought　of　her　father's　tales　of　the　Georgian　peasants　toiling　heroically　in　their　fields。
　''What　was　it　like　there？''
　Tori　knew　he　meant　Russia。　''It's　not　like　home；　Aunty　Em。''
　He　grunted；　and　she　remembered　belatedly　how　he　used　to　admonish　her　for　using　her　wit　at　inappropriate　times。
　〃I　found　Moscow　。　。　。　strange；〃　she　said　immediately。　〃It　was　not　what　I　had　expected。〃　
　〃Did　you　like　it？〃
　Tori　suspected　that　her　answer　was　important　to　him；　so　she　thought　about　it　for　some　time　before　she　spoke。　〃I　didn't　hate　it；〃　she　said　slowly。　〃I　felt　unfortable　there；　but　that　may　just　have　been　the　circumstances。　But　it　also　had　an…I　don't　know…a　haunting　quality；　I　guess　you　could　say。〃
　〃Yes；〃　Ellis　Nunn　said；　and　Tori　could　see　that　he　was　remembering　his　childhood；　and　that　that　past　was　as　clear　to　him　as　was　this　dawning　day。
　〃You　didn't　fully　answer　my　question　about　how　Bernard　got　you　and　Mom　involved。〃　
　〃I　know。〃
　There　was　silence　for　a　time。　Ellis　Nunn　stopped　them　in　the　center　of　the　pergola。　The　wisteria　twined　over　their　heads；　creating　a　cool；　green　bower。　〃How　did　Greg　seem　to　you？〃
　〃Changed；〃　Tori　said；　and　she　saw　her　father　wince。　〃It's　only　to　be　expected；　after　what　he's　been　through。〃
　〃Which　is　what？　Even　Bernard　had　no　idea　what　the　Russians　were　doing　with　him　or　why　they　were　keeping　him　captive。〃
　〃It　seems　that　he　and　his　Russian　cosmonaut　counterpart　were　part　of　a　highly　secret　experiment　involving　controlled　exposure　to　cosmic　rays。''
　''Good　God。''　Tori　could　see　her　father　shaking。　In　a　moment　he　said；　〃We　must　make　a　pact。　We　will　never　under　any　circumstances　tell　your　mother　this。〃
　〃But　Greg　told　me　you　knew　what　he　looked　like。〃　
　〃Either　he　was　mistaken　or　he　was　misinformed。〃　
　〃Then　she　won't　be　able　to　see　him。　His　skin　is　silvery　and　slick　like　a　dolphin's；　he's　hairless。　And　there　may　be　other　changes　by　the　time　you　get　to　see　him。〃
　Ellis　Nunn　sat　abruptly　on　the　Roman…style　stone　bench　in　the　center　of　the　pergola。　He　stared　at　nothing。　〃Ah；〃　he　said　softly。　〃What　a　world。〃
　They　remained　like　that　for　some　time；　father　and　daughter；　near　one　another　yet　in　other；　more　important　ways；　apart。
　Tori　knew　that　her　heart　should　go　out　to　her　father；　yet　she　felt　nothing。　He　was　still　as　closed　off　to　her　as　he　had　ever　been。　She　wondered　what　went　on　in　his　mind。　Other　than　his　quite　obvious　love　for　Greg；　she　could　discover　nothing。
　Into　her　mind　crept　memories　of　Koi。　The　essence　of　that　last　afternoon　with　Koi　glowed　like　a　pearl　in　the　viscera　of　her　memory。　Intense　splashes　of　color；　the　flash　of　the　blade；　the　first　splash　of　blood；　so　shocking。　The　lights　in　the　mountains　glowing。　Opening　the　door；　letting　the　light　in。　Wasn't　that　something　that　Greg　had　said？　Tori　wondered　how　one　person's　death　could　open　the　door；　let　the　light　in。
　And；　yet；　it　was　so。　Koi's　last　moments　had　somehow　changed　Tori　in　the　same　way　they　had　changed　Koi　herself。　I　was　also　wearing　white　that　afternoon；　Tori　thought。　Her　blood　seeped　onto　me；　into　me。　She　was　obsessed　the　way　I　was。　But　being　with　her　allowed　me　to　look　into　the　mirror　of　my　own　soul；　to　see　what　for　so　long　I　had　not　wanted　to　see。
　I　was　addicted　to　violence；　to　the　power　wielding　it　gave　me　in　a　man's　world。　But　in　her　I　saw　how　utterly　corrupting　violence　is。　In　the　end　Koi　understood　that　about　herself。　So　sad　that　she　had　to　die；　so　sad　that　she　could　not　change　as　I　will　make　myself　change。
　Ellis　Nunn　shook　himself。　He　became　aware　of　Tori；　watched　for　a　time　the　look　on　her　face。　He　opened　his　mouth　as　if　to　say　something；　then　closed　it。
　Silence　seeped　in　around　them　like　the　twining　vines　of　the　wisteria。
　Laura　Nunn　arrived　back　in　Diana's　Garden　just　before　midnight。　She　always　seemed　to　have　a　knack　of　knowing　where　Tori　was　in　the　vast　house；　and　so　she　swept　into　the　library　where　Tori　sat　curled　in　a　chair；　reading　Stanley　Karnow's　Vietnam：　A　History。
　〃Darling！　It's　so　wonderful　to　have　you　home　again！〃
　〃Hello；　Mother。〃　Tori　closed　her　book。
　Laura　Nunn　frowned；　arranged　herself　in　the　lotus　position　at　the　foot　of　Tori's　chair。　〃Yoga　keeps　the　body　young　and　supple。''　She　laughed　a　little　at　the　stilted　phrase；　learned　from　her　instructor。
　Tori　knew　she　was　nervous。　She　sat　up。　She　had　never　known　her　mother　to　be　nervous。
　Laura　Nunn　said；　〃I　understand　you　saw　Greg。〃
　〃Why　didn't　you　tell　me　he　was　alive？　Why　did　you　let　me　go　on　grieving　for　him？〃
　〃Oh；　my　darling；　don't　you　think　your　father　and　I　weren't　grieving　for　the　torture　he　was　undergoing？''
　〃You're　avoiding　answering　me。''
　〃I've　never　been　very　good　at　handling　inquisitions。〃
　Tori　moaned。　〃One　question　is　not　an　inquisition；　Mother。〃
　〃It's　the　tone　I'm　talking　about；　not　the　number。〃
　〃All　right；　I'm　sorry。〃　Tori　knew　she'd　never　get　anywhere　unless　she　acquiesced。
　Laura　Nunn　nodded。　〃I　was　told　not　to。〃
　〃By　whom？〃
　〃Why；　your　father；　of　course。〃
　Tori　regarded　her　mother　for　some　time　before　she　said；　〃Was　not　telling　me　his　idea？〃
　〃Well；　no；〃　Laura　Nunn　said。　〃As　I　remember　it；　Bernard　Godwin　might　have　mentioned　it。〃
　〃Do　you　know　why？〃　One　had　to　be　patient；　like　dealing　with　a　recalcitrant　six…year…old。
　〃Of　course　I　do；〃　Laura　Nunn　said；　angry。　〃He　wanted　to　spare　you。〃　She　nodded。　〃Yes；　those　were　his　words　exactly。　'I　want　to　spare　Tori　any　unnecessary　anxiety。'　''
　〃I　think　I'm　going　to　need　a　better　explanation　than　that。〃
　〃You　must　ask　your　father；　then。〃
　Tori　leaned　forward。　〃I'm　asking　you。〃
　〃Don't　do　this　to　me；　Tori。　It's　not　my　place…〃
　〃You're　my　mother；〃　Tori　said　heatedly。　〃It　is　your　place。〃
　Laura　Nunn　put　her　head　in　her　hands；　began　to　sob。　Tori　watched　her；　uncertain　whether　this　scene　was　real；　planned；　or　was　simply　another　of　her　mother's　ad…libbed　〃actor's　exercises。〃
　〃I　suppose　you　think　I'm　a　foolish　woman；〃　Laura　Nunn　said　when　her　sobbing　subsided　sufficiently。　〃Always　involved　in　the　latest　fashions；　always　throwing　lavish　parties。　No；　don't　bother　to　deny　it。　There's　no　point　anymore。〃　She　wiped　her　eyes；　sighed。　〃The　truth　is；　I　detest　all　that。　The　truth　is；　I'm　a　simple　country　girl　who　is；　at　heart；　far　too　insecure　to　risk　being　herself。〃
　She　tossed　her　head；　sniffled。　〃Anyway；　I'm　in　the　wrong　city；　the　wrong　profession　for　that。　No　one　seems　interested　in　finding　out　what's　below　the　careful　facade。　In　this　town；　when　anyone　bothers　to　scratch　the　surface；　they　do　it　to　draw　blood；　not　to　discover　what's　underneath。〃
　〃Sort　of　like　my　profession；''　Tori　said；　seeing　it　for　the　first　time。
　Laura　Nunn　cocked　her　head　thoughtfully。　〃Yes；　now　that　you　mention　it；　perhaps　that's　true。　But　only　in　a　way。〃　She　reached　out；　put　her　hand　gently；　almost　shyly；　on　her　daughter's　knee。　〃But　you're　so　much　more；　Tori。　I　mean；　you're　the　Zen　Policeman；　aren't　you？〃
　Tori；　her　heart　thudding　heavily；　could　hear　Greg　saying；　Remember　the　Zen　Policeman；　and　his　small　smile　that　had　stayed　with　her　all　the　way　home。
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃Well；　I　shouldn't　tell　you　this；　I　suppose；　but　。。。　Well；　that's　how　your　father　thinks　of　you；