el.angeleyes-第140部分

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　〃Well；　I　shouldn't　tell　you　this；　I　suppose；　but　。。。　Well；　that's　how　your　father　thinks　of　you；　as　the　Zen　Policeman。〃　She　took　Tori's　hand　in　hers；　squeezed　it。　〃Oh；　I　know　you　think　he's　hard　and　uncaring。　I　know　it　hurts　you　to　think　that　he　loves　Greg　and　not　you。　But　that's　so　far　from　the　truth　it's　laughable。
　〃The　truth　is　that　Greg　was　always　the　difficult　one。　He　drove　your　father　to　distraction。　He　was　a　weak　child；　and　always　afraid；　of　the　dark；　of　being　alone；　and　especially　of　being　in　the　water。　I　took　to　protecting　him　which；　I'm　afraid；　angered　your　father　farther。　'A　boy　should　look　up　to　his　father；'　Ellis　once　told　me　sternly。　'Not　his　mother。'
　〃Anyway；　Ellis　fell　madly　in　love　with　you　from　the　moment　I　gave　birth　to　you。　You　were　such　a　happy　baby。　And　you　were　strong　and　so　very　smart　when　he　played　with　you。　You　so　delighted　him！　You　were　going　to　fulfill　his　every　dream。
　''And　then；　inexplicably；　you　left　him。　You　ran　away…all　the　way　to　Japan；　the　other　side　of　the　world。　You　abandoned　him；　and　he　was　utterly　devastated。〃
　Once　again　Tori　heard　Bernard　Godwin's　voice；　saying。　Well；　if　life　has　taught　me　anything　it's　this：　truth　is　a　plex　animal。　Every　time　you　think　you've　caught　it　by　the　tail；　it　turns　around　and　bites　you　on　the　ass。
　〃But　my　leaving　wasn't　inexplicable；〃　Tori　said。
　〃Oh；　I　know　that；　my　dear。　But　your　father　couldn't…or　wouldn't…understand。　You　were　his　universe；　and　you　left　him　flat。　That's　all　he　could　see。〃
　〃And　he's　been　punishing　me　ever　since？〃
　〃No；　no。〃　Laura's　eyes　widened。　〃Oh；　how　could　you　ever　think　such　a　thing？　Who　do　you　think　roused　Maria　out　of　bed　this　morning　to　make　sure　everything　you　liked　to　eat　was　ready　for　you　when　you　awoke？　He'd　never　admit　it；　of　course。　
　〃No；　Ellis　has　been　punishing　himself。　He's　convinced　he　failed　you　in　some　way。　Otherwise；　he　reasons；　why　would　you　have　left　so　suddenly；　so　utterly。〃
　She　rose　up；　kissed　Tori　warmly　on　the　lips。　〃We're　so　proud　of　what　you　do。〃　She　smiled　a　little。　〃Do　you　see　now　why　he　became　involved　with　Bernard？　It　was　only　partially　for　Greg's　sake；　and　for　the　sake　of　his　own　Soviet　heritage。
　〃Bernard　gave　us　no　guarantees　that　what　we　would　do　would　help　Greg　in　any　way。　But　your　father　saw　a　way　to　bee；　if　only　peripherally；　a　part　of　your　life　again。　He　never　admitted　that　to　me；　but　I　can　assure　you；　darling；　that　this　was　his　main　reason　for　accepting　Bernard's　offer。〃
　Laura　Nunn　stroked　Tori's　hair；　wiped　away　her　daughter's　tears；　and　smiled。　〃You　know；　in　the　beginning　Bernard　said　he　could　give　us　no　assurances　that　Greg　would　be　protected。　He　said　he　had　no　agents　whom　he　could　trust　enough；　and　do　you　know　what　your　father　said？　'Bernard；　you're　wrong。　You　have　the　Zen　Policeman。'　〃
　Tori　found　her　father　taking　his　laps　in　the　pool。　He　had　e　home　early　from　work；　but　had　not　sought　her　out。　It　was　late　in　the　afternoon　of　the　following　day。　The　light　slanted　in　through　the　palms　and　the　cropped　Norfolk　pines；　illuminating　the　surface　of　the　water；　Ellis　Nunn's　powerful　shoulder　muscles　as　he　worked　up　and　down　the　length　of　the　pool。
　Tori；　in　a　one…piece　bathing　suit；　slipped　silently　into　the　water。　She　was　immediately　reminded　of　Greg；　and　felt　a　pang　of　mingled　joy　and　sadness。
　For　a　while　she　did　nothing　but　parallel　her　father；　and　he；　intent　on　his　exercise；　did　not　let　up　his　pace；　though　surely　he　was　aware　of　her　presence。
　When；　finally；　he　broke　off；　he　said；　〃It's　nice　having　you　in　the　pool　with　me　again。〃
　They　hung　in　the　water　with　the　California　sun　burnishing　their　faces。　The　leaves　rustled　briefly　as　the　ghost　of　a　breeze　came　up。
　〃Dad；〃　Tori　began；　〃I'm　sorry　I　left　you。〃
　Ellis　Nunn　turned　away；　but　Tori　swam　in　front　of　him。　〃You　know；　sooner　or　later；　I　had　to　leave。〃　She　searched　his　face。　〃Dad？〃　She　took　a　deep　breath。　〃It　wasn't　anything　you　did。〃
　〃Your　mother's　been　talking　to　you；〃　he　said　tightly。
　''Don't　be　angry　with　her。　It　was　time　for　me　to　know。　I　think　she　understood　that。〃
　〃You　shouldn't　know　these　things。〃
　She　moved　closer　to　him。　〃Why　not？〃
　〃You'll　think　I'm　weak。〃　He　lifted　his　head　up。　The　sunlight　struck　him。　〃I'm　not　weak；　you　know。〃　
　〃I　know。　Dad。〃　She　watched　him。　〃Don't　you　think　it's　important　I　understand　who　you　are？〃
　He　looked　at　her　finally。　〃Why　did　you　do　it？　Why　did　you　run　away？''
　Tori　was　still　for　some　time。　〃I　left　because　I　was　stifling　here。　Everything　was　so　unreal；　the　parties；　the　money；　the　people。　It　got　so　I　was　lost　in　it　all…lost　in　the　glitter　of　the　forest。　Don't　you　see；　Dad；　I　had　to　go　far　enough　away　to　find　a　space　for　myself　that　wasn't　cluttered　by　all　of　this。''
　〃You　hated　it　here；　didn't　you？〃
　〃No。〃　Tori　shook　her　head。　〃Don't　think　that。　I　was　so　lost；　I　couldn't　possibly　have　known　what　it　was　I　felt。　Try　to　understand；　Dad。　Only　time　could　allow　me　to　do　that。〃
　Ellis　Nunn　looked　into　his　daughter's　angel　eyes。　〃I'll　never　forget。　You　were　such　a　beautiful　baby。　You　used　to　love　to　crawl　across　me　and；　laughing；　pound　your　tiny　fists　against　my　chest。〃　So　it　was　true；　there　were　other　things　beside　his　childhood　in　Russia　that　he　remembered　with　fondness。　He　sniffed；　rubbed　his　nose。　〃We　never　let　each　other　inside；　did　we？　Why　was　that；　do　you　think？〃
　〃Maybe　we　were　always　too　much　alike。　We　each　had　expectations；　and　they　were　unfulfilled　because　they　were　unrealistic。〃
　Ellis　Nunn　thought　about　that　for　some　time；　then　he　nodded。　〃You　were　always　a　smart　girl；〃　he　said。
　〃That　was　your　doing。　Dad；〃　Tori　said。
　Ellis　Nunn　reached　out　for　his　daughter；　crushed　her　against　him。
　〃Dobro　pcjalovatz；　Papa；〃　Tori　said。　Wele　home。
　Gregory　Nunn　was　sleeping　on　Arbat's　back。　Irina　floated　beside　him。　The　worst　was　over。　Valeri　and　his　White　Star　Moscow　contingent　had　managed　to　keep　a　semblance　of　order　as　they　rounded　up　the　conspirators。
　One　of　Valeri's　men　had　been　killed　by　a　KGB　colonel　in　Lefortovo　before　control　had　been　effected　by　the　firing　of　a　MAND。　That　had　gotten　everyone's　attention。　Another　had　been　wounded　in　the　course　of　subduing　a　Red　Army　general。　Valeri　was　now　locked　away　with　the　premier；　trying　to　hammer　out　the　preliminary　guidelines　to　a　promise。
　Irina　watched　the　play　of　light　as　it　softly　touched　the　Hero's　face。　She　wanted　very　much　to　be　with　him；　but　he　had　been　so　exhausted；　and　he　seemed　so　close　to　a　state　of　grace　that　she　did　not　want　to　wake　him。　But　perhaps　her　thoughts　betrayed　her；　because　at　that　moment　his　eyes　opened。
　Irina　felt　the　opalescent　light　from　his　gaze　caress　her　like　gentle　sunlight。
　〃Did　you　sleep　as　well？〃　he　asked。
　〃A　little。　Mostly；　I　was　watching　you　sleep。〃　She　was　so　aware　of　him；　it　almost　hurt。　〃Do　you　miss　your　sister？〃
　〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃But　I　miss　other　things　more。〃
　Irina　nodded。　〃I　understand。〃
　〃I　know　you　do。〃
　〃I　wonder；〃　she　said；　〃whether　they　will　let　me　go　with　you。〃
　〃If　I　ask　it；　how　can　they　refuse？〃
　〃But　I　have　no　training。〃
　〃I　will　train　you　myself。〃　He　laughed。　〃I　hope　you　aren't　claustrophobic。''
　Irina　said　seriously；　〃How　can　you　be　so　sure　they　will　expend　the　time　and　money　to　send　us　back　there？〃
　Gregory　Nunn　shrugged。　〃Human　nature。　It　isn't　a　matter　of　speculation；　you　know。　They　can't　help　themselves。　Once　they　assimilate　what　it　was　I　encountered　up　there　in　space　between　the　stars；　they　will　have　no　other　choice。　Man's　innate　curiosity　is　well…documented。''
　In　the　pool；　beside　them；　Arbat　stirred。　She　rolled；　gazing　up　at　them　with　an　eye　like　black　ice。　She　gave　a　little　call；　which　Greg　echoed。　She　rolled　back　over。
　Irina　said；　〃What　will　we　find　up　there？〃
　''Do　you　really　want　to　know　before　we　get　there？''
　〃Yes。〃
　There　was　silence　for　a　time；　and　Irina；　able　now　to　differentiate　the　natures　of　silence；　felt　this　one　accumulating　like　golden　weights　upon　a　scale。　She　could　discern　in　Greg's　face　a　light　like　the　sun　rising　in　the　desert：　clear　and　radiant；　an　illumination　from　which　nothing　could　be　hidden。　She　felt　her　love　for　him　and　for　the　enigma　he　had　discovered　enfolding　them　both　like　the　eternal　cloak　of　the　cosmos。　A　joy　filled　her；　his　joy　as　well　as　hers；　and　she　knew　what